iN mAtTeRs.NoT tHe OuT.

MOVING ALONG. (:

2006-11-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

hello, i have moved. please relink me and visit me there please! (: thanks.

my new blog! (:

i love you all,
kymberly. (:

disappointment can kill.

2006-11-05T00:09:00.001-08:00

i am so disappointed right now.

i've finally realised that maybe i've been the cause all this while.
i've been the cause of misery, of hatred between a family.
i feel guilty, really guilty.

i am disappointed, in you. but more disappointed with myself.
perhaps you didn't want me to wait for you.
then why, "can you wait for me?"
when i've finally made my decision to, i feel as if i've made a wrong one.
cos now you make me feel as if it was all a mistake.

it was a mistake in a beginning, and maybe it'll be a mistake in the future.
you couldn't care less when i said i'd wait. all you said was thank you.
what is thank you?
i don't understand those words.
i'd rather hear just wait awhile more or maybe be strong and wait for me.
but all i got was thank you.

i made you lie, i made you do all those horrendous things that now you're taking the blame for.
by just telling me you're alright, makes me feel worse about everything.
because i know you're lying, and whatever i've been going through is already hurting me really badly.
i know it's my fault, i know it is.
i'm really sorry.

maybe waiting is really a wrong option.
whatever pain that i've caused you, i shouldn't cause you again.

i know i've disappointed some people out there too.
i'm really sorry.

is this really time to let go?
let me hear it from you please.
please tell me that this decision wasn't wrong.

Lord, i really don't understand why this life is so difficult to go through.
why some people have it so easy, but things have to be so rough for me.
i don't understand anything i'm going through.
sometimes i pray that You could take away my life instead of letting me staying here.
cos i don't think i can take it any longer.
Lord, if You're there, please carry me, help me to get through this easier.
i can't i can't. i really can't.
i'd rather exchange my life for someone's happiness because someone's torturing is making me die little by little inside.
i know it's wrong to think this way, but i'm at the pits now Lord.
i really am. and i don't know if i've got the strength to climb out.
Lord, why does it feel as if he's turn his back on me?
why does it feel that the world is crushing me?
so many questions in my heart even as i'm tearing now.
Lord, You say You'll catch my tears but i don't wanna cry anymore.
i'd rather You take away my tear ducts so that i'll not cry anymore.
cos crying can never make anything come back to me.
cos crying can never make my problems go away.
Lord, or maybe You could just take away this heart for him.
please help me, help me.
i feel horrible now, please help me Lord. thank You.
i'm sorry Lord.
AMEN.

please, Lord, let me have a happy 17th birthday with a new start of a new year.

someday we'll know

2006-11-04T19:50:00.001-08:00

"So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like fallin when you try to fly,
It's sad but sometimes,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad but sometimes,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Start to wave goodbye,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye."

-Carrie Underwood-Starts with Goodbye

hello,

yesterday was a good day. with a whole lot of laughs and i was so tired that when i laid down and closed my eyes, i immediately fell asleep. haha.

i thought a lot yesterday.
about the past, about the present, about what i should do now.
i know what happened in the past, i know how i'm feeling at present.

and i roughly know what i should do and go into the future.
i know that waiting can be painful especially when the other one doesn't seem to be saying anything.
i know that waiting can be happy also because you have hope.

i imagine myself, walking down the aisle one day to be with someone i love dearly at the altar.
i don't know who'll that be, but to me it doesn't matter anymore.
cos as long as i hold that hope in my heart that at the end of the day, i'll still be with a person i love very much till the day i die, it gives me consolation and peace.

crenshaw and i were talking the other day, on how quickly time has passed, and how being in the same class in primary school seemed like yesterday.
it's really amazing how fast time passes.
and i said, "sooner than you know it, we both would be getting married."
and he said, "yeah, but you gotta find the man first."
i said, "yeah, i know. he'll come in due time."
he said, "yeah, you just gotta keep the faith in that someone up there."
i said, "definitely."
(:

I WILL NOT DIE LONELY.
lol. i'm just kidding. but yeah, i know i will still find my man. no matter how long.
anyway i've still got around 5-7 years more to search right? lol.

well, we all love to hold on to the happy times in the past,
we all love to still be with that person you're so sure is the one,
but can we all be really sure of everything?
can we be dead sure that we'll not meet anyone we'd love in the future?
we all don't know what's gonna happen, the future is full of surprises anyway right? (:

hehh, it just comforts me to see that even in the midst of everything, i still have people praying for me, being there for me, helping me to be strong on my wobbly 2 feet.

for the time being, i don't know what's gonna happen in the future,
but i'm waiting for my boy,
i'm waiting for everything to settle down and then maybe settle down with him one day,
cos i love him so much.
and no matter how far you try to take him away from me, he'll still remain in my heart.
till the day, if God permits it, we'll be together again.

if not, then we'll talk about it then. then maybe come up with plan B to find my rugby boy. lol.
whatever it is, i trust that ONE up above. (:

someday we'll know everything. (:

no one can take the place of my NUMBER 1 BOY.

2006-11-03T02:31:00.001-08:00

"daryl is full of shit i tell you."

okay la daryl, don't be angry okay? here's to make up for it. (:

daryl is full of shit, but he's funny and nice.

lol, daryl found my last friday's post and we were all talking about it today during CATS lessons. i'm sorry daryl, if you were offended. i meant it in a joking way okay? but i still think you're full of shit la. *laughs super loud. :P

TODAY, it RAINED. after CATS class, was touch rugg.

it was raining again, so we couldn't do our proper training. so we went into the classroom and had some group dynamics then we went off.

if some of you didn't know, i'm called back for MALAYSIAN NS. :/

but, yes, i'm trying to defer it at the moment cos i can't go back for three months while studying!

i hope i'll be able to. i don't wanna go back! please pray!

ben went home yesterday. :(

i'm really sad, and i miss him a lot actually.

oh well, i hope he's doing good back in KL and i hope he'll make the right decision of where to study. (:

take care kor, i love you. and thank you for all the times when you were there for me during this period of time. i'll see you at FRASERS during christmas! YAY! :D

i was with mom the whole time after ben went back yesterday. i just love being with mom. really. i love the way mom cares and loves me. she knows it's been really tough for me, but she said some stuff that made me think and make up my mind on something. she knows how much i loved someone. she knows how tough it is to make do without that person. she knows and understands everything. I LOVE MY MOM SO MUCH! heh. :D

i've decided some things in my heart, and i hope the person can support me instead of saying that if someone comes along blah blah blah, instead of saying things that hurt me.

no, they're still here with me. (:

whatever that has happened, i just want you to know,

i still love you as much. nothing has changed about that.

circumstances change, things around us change, situations change,

but my heart for you will not change.

i want you to stay strong cos i know it isn't easy, and things get really tough sometimes,

but rmb i'm still here for you and that i'm at the finish line.

press on, don't give up. i believe and have faith in you, just as i've always believed in you and had faith in you.

do not worry about the future, do not worry about anything.

what is meant to be, will always be, they will not fade away through time.

yeah? (:

be strong and smile! don't say all those silly stuff to me, i don't wanna hear. i want to hear your real feelings, not things that you just say for the sake of saying.

you're saying them at the expense of breaking my heart, just to let you know. so please don't ok?

in the meantime, till that time, i will keep our memories.

take care and aja aja fighting, enming! :D

"i'm all about you,

i'm all about us,

no baby you never have to question my love.

and every night, there's a new crowd, but it's always you i'm singing about.

there is only one these words are going out to. i'm all about you.

i know you worry sometimes,

but there's not a doubt in this world,

that anyone could take the place of my number one boy." (:

be happy everyone! :D

i don't care who's there, who'd be coming. i don't want to think about it now. all i know now is that i'll be here waiting for you.

you keep givin' me love. (:

2006-11-01T21:29:00.001-08:00

Brian Littrell - You Keep Givin' Me

so many reasons to be thankful,
so many blessings that i can't repay.
and i never would have made it here without you,
sending angels to guide me on my way.

you keep giving me joy,
you keep giving me happiness,
you keep giving me hope,
you keep giving me everything i wish,
you keep holding me up, when i'm about to fall.
and if even all of that was not enough,
you keep giving me love.

i know that i'm not always easy,
i know i put you some trying days,
but in spite of all the worries that i gave you,
no, you never let my angels get away.

you keep giving me joy,
you keep giving me happiness,
you keep giving me hope,
you keep giving everything i wish,
you keep holding me up, when i'm about to fall.
and if even all of that was not enough,
you keep giving me love.

and have i told you lately,
how your love has saved.
it takes me to a place i only dream.
i'm so thankful Lord, for sending me angels.

you keep giving me joy,
you keep giving me happiness,
you keep giving me hope,
you keep giving me everything i wish,
you keep holding me up, when i'm about to fall.
and if even all of that was not enough,
you keep giving me LOVE.

i didn't go to school today. heh. :p
huan qing, ann and i to be exact, didn't go to school.
we were lazy and tired so we just stayed at home.
and moreover i was having pretty bad gastric last night. rah.
but it felt really good to wake up so late. heh.

sometimes i really don't understand,
why the human heart has to act this way.
why when it comes to loving a person, it's so easy.
but when it all ends, and you really want to hate that person to make it easier to get through,
you can't and it's so tough.

when you're going through the happiest times in your life,
you remember them so easily and wish that they'll last forever.
but when everything is gone, you just wish that memories are like sand on the beach.
and that the waves can wash all of them away and that you can just start on a new page without stain or worrying about anything.
or maybe they could just be thrown away easily.

i, sometimes, hate the human heart. i hate my heart to be exact.
i hate the way it reacts to situations.
i hate the way it holds on to stupid things.
i hate the way it just can't forget things at an instant.

but, most of the time, i love my heart.
cos though it reacts to some situations very stupidly, there are times when mistakes like these, make me stronger.
and though it holds on to things that ought to be let go of, i know it will let go of them some day, and then it would build more beautiful and joyful things.
though it can't just forget once happy, but now painful memories at an instant, after time, it would be forgotten and be placed at the back of my mind, and new memories would be collected along the way. the ones that would never be taken away from me ever again. and then the ones at the back of my mind, would just be something i've collected along the life learning process.

it's not easy, to go through something that you know is not to your will.
it's never easy. and though it feels like after running a free short distance,
a hurdle comes up to me and challenges my ability, i know that i'll get through the hurdle, no matter how long it takes or how much strength i have to use.

and even through everything, i know i have God up there to guide me and carry me over the hurdles and i have people who though can't get through the hurdles for me, they are at the sidelines, cheering for me, encouraging me and i'll get through with them around.

one day i'll run happy and free again,
and along the way, i'm going to meet my special someone who won't leave me halfway in life's journey, but would fight life's battles together.
at the end, i know i've run the race well.

i would not hate, i would love.
and love till all the love is gone, and then finally let go.

"pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
well, i've got pain. but i won't make myself suffer.

and with that, i'm ending my post.
with hope of getting over my heartache,
with hope that things WILL get better soon,
with hope that i'll find someone new and better soon. (:

goodbye. :D

the way you look at me.

2006-10-31T06:13:00.001-08:00

HELLO, i'm back again.
i am happy, because i slept a full 8 hours yesterday night cos i was so tired.
and i'm going to do it again tonight. :p
i finished my tutorials and all that has to be done for tomorrow.

school was alright today, not that tiring, a little boring during the maths lecture though.
OH YES!
brandon ong, brought a mask today. a very ugly one actually. because today is halloween.
and so, at one time of the day, huan qing, ann and i went to the toilet together.
and then,
came in this video phone woman and a stupid scary monster which shouted "ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHH!" so loud that we jumped and stood in shock for awhile until the shock wore off.
LOL, it was pretty funny actually after watching the video.

then the monster, BO, continued scaring some other people like my classmates and our microbio lecturer. LOL.
it's only fun when you're not the one being scared. heh.

I HAVE DONE MY MATHS ONLINE TUTORIALS okay.
if tomorrow that dumb lecturer says i didn't do it again, RAH!
please pray that the system register my work. (:

alright, that's all for today. i'm gonna go to lala land now.
take care everyone and i pray that you guys will have sweet dreams tonight. (:

i love YOU God, for everything You are.

ilu. (:

I AM KYMBERLY. (:

2006-10-30T04:27:00.001-08:00

woah! yes, i'm gonna start this post with that, cos that is what i feel. :D
firstly, today is a tiring day, and with a lot of things to remember and go through and blah blah blah. and what's worst, i've been having diarrhoea the whole day. :(

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!
I AM HAPPY! KYMBERLY IS HAPPY! :D
hehh. i'll tell you why.
we finished microbiology prac 1 hour earlier. so, we decided to go out to have lunchhh and we were pretty sick of Macs so we decided to go opposite beauty world to eat some rice and dishes. it was raining heavily and we pretty much enjoyed eating though the stupid portion was super small and urm, we didn't feel really full. but we all still had fun as usual. :D

then we went back to schooooooooool and then carried on with lecture and tutorial which i was already zonking off.
so after that, qing and i decided to take the stairs at SIM instead of the lift just like when we left during break time.
we were running and it felt really good i tell you. it's like so exhilarating.
yeah, you guys may think we're crazy, LOL, but it's really fun leh. :p
i took the bus home and on the way, i met whatt kiang on the first bus and we were talking during the whole journey about a lot. it's nice to catch up with a friend. (:
then i met rees, my ex-IS module classmate and my neighbour. he stays like a few blocks away from my home so we took the same bus together home and everything. maybe we'll meet next time to go to school together if we do start at the same time, but we should la. since we're in the same course and have the same lectures. (: anyway, i hope he's alright cos he's sick. take care. (:

so went home and when i reached home, i saw mom at home.

i asked her why, and she said that our freezer broke down.
it was bonkers yesterday already and mom had alot of food inside the freezer which would spoil if it broke down.
and this morning, it really broke down. so dad had to fix it as well.
but in the end, alot of the food had thawed so we couldn't freeze it again as it would spoil.
SO, mom made a FEAST for us.
LOL, cereal prawns(SAYANGG! LOL.), curry, rendang, fried wanton and ginseng soup.
and my uncle, aunt and cousin came to have dinner with us. :DD

i enjoyed the time because it was such a heart warming and very nice family time.
i love times like this, and i can't wait to be reunited with the rest of them during christmas. (:
hehhhhhee.

AND, i received 2 birthday cards today. with which there are vouchers in both of them.
it's pretty early to receive them though. (:

okay la. i am really tired today for some reason.
but today is different. i just know it in my heart.
maybe it's a change inside of me, change of my perspective, or something. i don't know.
i just feel joy, and happiness even though i am worried about certain things. everything seems to have faded away. all sadness, disappointment, fear, has faded away.
it's not that i'm numb, it's just that i feel something that no one can take away, a joy that nothing can replace.
i am happy, and i am ready to move on with life.
move on to conquer new things, move on to discover new things, move on to love like never before.

so, if there's some of you out there feeling really sad about certain situations and can't seem to move on. i just wanna say.

HEY. life is too short to worry about everything. live life bit by bit. don't brood over the bad and sad things, but rejoice in the happy things you have. because brooding over things won't help. help yourself, cheer up. be positive, and you'll see that slowly you'll start to conquer the things you once thought were impossible. you'll start to see life change. just smile. things will be alright soon. (:

of course i have another special secret formula.
but you all should know what. (:
but whatever it is, just look on the brighter side of life okay?

okay, so this is the end of my happy post.
wondering why i'm so happy?

cos i am kymberly and that's why, cos i choose to be happy. :D

goodnight all,
and last but not least, i love my God a lot. (:

THE TEST.

2006-10-29T05:10:00.001-08:00

it's so gooood to have mommy at home. (:
and it's even better that i can talk to her about everything.
for me to have a christian family of the same faith is really a great blessing.
mom told me something that really touched me. she went to church this morning with my dad, chris and Ben and she told me that she went up to the altar, not for herself. but for me.
God told dad and her something about me and my life at this point.
and she told me a whole lot of things and told me that during this period of time, i have to be strong for certain reasons that maybe you all may not understand.

but i know in my heart, and am encouraged to be stronger and rely on God's strength instead of mine.
i am touched and know now God's purpose. i'm so thankful that i have mom and dad you know. :D

i will be stronggggg and i have no fear of drowning. (:

i just wanted to blog today because today, is a really good day, a really really great one. where i feel free, happy, and purposeful, full of hope.

a new day and a new week ahead, i trust God is going to make this a good week. and i know i don't have to fear anything. (:

and i'm praying for all those out there, i pray your weeks will be marvelous and blessed too. :D
take care alllllllllllll! :DD

"courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon

FORGET THE FORMER THINGS.

2006-10-28T08:58:00.001-07:00

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." -Isaiah 42:18-19

today is a VERY GOOD DAY. (: i can sleep nicely tonight i know. hehhh.

i had physiological systems lecture this morning to make up for the lesson on hari raya holiday. hehh. i LOVE what i learned today. lol. then i went to meet my godmom and stuff. (: it feels SO GOOD to see her. i miss her so much and i definitely enjoyed my time. :D then met ben at tp interchange and we went to church together.

i cried in church today. no, it wasn't just a few tears. it was a river with very hard sobbing. it's been so tiring in the past week, and my heart feels so tired, so burdened. i went up to the altar to be prayed for today. today's sermon was on riding the waves of our lives. i sure ain't riding on a wave for this week. instead, it feels as if waves keep crashing down on me and i just can't breathe. too much heartache, heartbreak, sadness. too much of it. i really couldn't take it. sister vivian prayed for me. and i just started crying like i haven't in a long time.

her prayer was strong, powerful and full of conviction and then i heard a little but powerful voice saying "you can be strong in front of other people, but you don't have to be strong in front of me.". i know, i've been letting everything accumulate inside and i keep telling myself that everything will be alright and i'll be strong. i cry, but i choose to cry alone. cos i don't want to worry other people and show my weakness.

but, even as i was crying alone, someone was watching. someone knew all the heartache i was going through. i'm pretty sure He shed tears for me too. He loves me. and He was there for me all the time. i know i can pull down that "i am strong" mask in front of Him, and cry.

His power & presence was so strong today. i couldn't help but burst out in tears, releasing all my hidden tears and pain. He loves me, He loves me.

the tears stopped temporarily after i left the altar and then started to flow terribly even as sister vivian asked if i was alright. she held me in her arms, and even as the hard sobbing continued, she comforted me. it felt nice to be in the arms of someone who understood but didn't really understand. it felt nice to be held and to freely cry it all out. though there was a little embarrassment i felt because i was crying like a big baby in front of so many people, it disappeared after every moment.

then i felt arms around my waist and pats on my back. and when i finally stopped crying, i was shocked to see them tearing because of me. i felt so many feelings, touched, loved and VERY blessed. (: even as we stood in a circle and they all laid hands on me to pray, i knew this was the start of something new. this is the start of a new chapter in my life and i'm sure it would be a really nice one. i know, that i'm really gonna be strong. i know that in my heart, my God has great plans for me and all i have to do is trust Him. and i will choose to be joyful! because i trust Him. :DD

thank you sister vivian, you really don't know how much your prayers have impacted my life. thank you for being that God sent comforter. (((: thank you.

thank you lizz, ling and pingg, i really don't know what i'd do without you guys. don't worry okay? i'm fine and well now. and thank you for making me feel so blessed, all your tears i'll always keep in my heart. i love all of you so so much. (:

thank you God, for always being there for me. this is the start of a new time with You. thank You for always making things easier for me to go through. i cannot imagine my life without You. i know that this is a new season. a new time. i will forget the former things and not dwell on the past anymore. i will be Your strong little girl ready to fight battles for You and always trusting in You. i will be joyful and wait in anticipation of the marvelous things You are going to do in my life. ahhhhh, how i love my God. :D

I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND SO MUCH AND I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WILL BECOME WITHOUT HER. :D

sometimes, giving up the things we love most are the toughest tasks to carry out. but hey, we'd always find new things to love, new things to embrace, new things to look forward to. the end isn't always a bad thing. it can be a really good thing and the start of something amazing. i guess it's how we look at things. i have changed my perspective and look at things from a different angle. i am prepared, for any wave now. i won't be overpowered by them neither will i fear them. but i will ride them with control and wisdom of God.

heh, hope this inspires people out there who are currently facing a big wave. (: stay strong and believe and have faith that things will be good.

dwight/dwight says:
what you doing now
i am strong enough. ♥ says:
blogging. (:
i am strong enough. ♥ says:
you?
dwight/dwight says:
thinking of youuu
dwight/dwight says:
hahahaha
dwight/dwight says:
=)

aww, thank you dwightie. i really miss you and i want you out of camp soon! :p and i'm sorry i couldn't meet you just now. :( sigh, please meet up sooon.

goodnight world, it's time for a good and sweet rest. :DD

"we don't tell God how big our problems are, we tell our problems how big God is." ((:

MOVE ALONG

2006-10-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

i was reading my past testimonials today and i came across a few which i deleted after reading.
here are a few portions of the few that really caught my eye.

"i'm a MUMMY'S boy! hahaha... bleahx!" - yes i know now. i should have considered that factor long ago. i was so foolish. lol.

"have to accompany my mum out regularly lahz.hahaha... busy man... heex... nvm... if i had a gf... my gf will definitely go wild! hahaha... coz she might bored to death! hahaha... just kiddin... hmm... so u not finding a mate? hmmm... choose me! choose me! hahaa..hmmm... i think the kymchi should have 1 by now bahz... hmmm... work hard to find your Mr. Right guy Kk?"
-oh yes, she did go wild a few times. she didn't get bored though, too many thrills in the relationship, too many ups and downs. i found a mate, i chose you. but i made the wrong choice then. you should have scolded me stupid then, then maybe i wouldn't have made that kind of choice. but now yes, like you said. i am finding a mate now and am working hard to find my Mr. Right guy. (:

"i wish after my Os, i'll be a FREE man!" - my wish for you, is that you'll be FREE soon cos it's after Os and it doesn't seem like you are.

"actually u are a nice girl! very nice lahz... heez...sweet and cute, hmmm... comfirm there's more guys out there waiting for u de. sweetie kym! time to say BYE BYE! hahaha.... may god bless ur mind to solve any problems in the future! nitez. And take care!" - aww, thank you. that was so sweet of you. and yes, i hope i'll meet my sweet guy too. and God is blessing my mind to solve any problem i have now. so you don't have to worry about me, now or in the future. cos i'll do fine without you. thank you.

these testimonials you will never find again for all you people reading out there. cos they are gone from me, and everything else that does not matter to me anymore. i don't like to keep meaningless stuff. (:

today lessons were pretty funn. daryl is full of shit i tell you. we were having CATS(Creative And Thinking Skills) and we were asked to think of all the uses for a paper clip. one of the uses he came up with was "USE IT FOR BRACES.". i laughed and wanted to hit him. he kept asking himself to be a man cos the aircon was too cold for him. LOL. :DD we were let off early from CATS lesson and then met ann to go for S&W.

TOUCH RUGGGGG TIME! :D
the lesson was SUPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR funn. you can ask karen sweetheart. she was there too. LOL. i laughed till i couldn't laugh more. :D so we did a brief intro and we had to come up with nicknames. some were really cute like "lui-money", "ape", etc. i think there were equal number of guys and girls there. we played a lott of games and we played monkey too. we had to throw the rugby ball here and there and call out names at the same time. we were all screaming and laughing like crazy people. i had a fun time altogether though i went home with a sprained thumb again. :DDD

and, i love you ann! :D for everything that you & qing have helped me along with, like wanting to introduce your bf's handsome cousin to me and comforting me. whatever it is, i love you both a whole lot! :D i know you guys will support me all the way. lol. (:

actuallyyyyyy,
for this birthday, the present i want most,
is a..............
MAN. lol.
all i want is for him to be a christian, someone with a family who can accept me and LOVE MEEEE till we both die.
can?
lol, i'm just kidding la. i wish it could come true though. sigh. :(

hahahah. alright, my silly post will end here. (:
"move along move along."
goodnight everyone. :D

you're so familiar. is that you? (:

big girls don't whine.

2006-10-26T19:42:00.001-07:00

God, i am a big girl, and i will stop whining. (:

i shall blog today, before i go to school.

today will be the start of my touch RUGBY sports & wellness lesson.

i am pretty excited. (:

i really don't know, but i just feel like blogging.

i don't know if it's to encourage myself or to just get it off my chest. but i think it should be both.

i feel tired, after these few days, and i have to admit. i do miss him.

though i'm trying to be strong, there are some days where i get up and i feel bummed.

there are some nights before i sleep, where i just think, i wish he was still here.

all these thoughts running in my head, i push them away. because i know they're no longer possible and i'm only hurting myself.
i try to do things to get things off my mind, but i hate it when almost every thing i see or hear, reminds me of him.

my mom asked me "how can you love him and be angry with him at the same time?"

i also don't know leh. lol. even to the last point, i'm still protecting him.

protecting him from the eyes of others(though many times i'm complaining), protecting him from people's views of how horrible he is for breaking my heart this bad.

i find myself so stupid sometimes. why should i still be doing so much for that person when i know this ain't gonna help me?

i've done all i can, to avoid any contact with him, and this is something that makes me very proud of myself. heh. (:

i promise i won't read his blog cos i know it would only hurt me, i promise i won't talk to him at all. and i've removed everything in my way that would only stir up memories. for this period of time, i won't talk. till everything washes away and my dream guy comes along.

and i really pray my dream guy comes along soon. i pray.

i may be strong, but i have my weakest days too. and today, is one of those days.

i don't wanna hide it from people, neither do i want to make it as if i'm getting along easily. if i keep my feelings in secret, i know it'll only make me go crazy.

so i'd rather people see me, see the real me. see how i'm feeling. because i know, by putting my life under a microscope, it'll only make me stronger and make me brave. because i've got nothing to fear. i also hope, that by reading this, anyone out there facing heartache, would gain strength from this.

from today, i will not whine anymore. neither would i think back on anything else. i know now, i can only move forward, and even if i sit here and cry, time still passes by and won't wait for me.

i've got to wake up and walk, and move along with time. anyway, i know the future still holds great things for me and by staying in the past, i'd miss out on those good things right? (:

i will be stronger than ever.

please please please pray for me. thank you. (:

take care and have a nice day all of you. :D

BRING ON THE HOT WATER! :D

2006-10-26T06:30:00.001-07:00

"a woman is like a teabag, you can only see her real strength when she is placed in hot water."

i want to be placed in boiling water. so that i can also see how strong i am. lol. i want to come out stronger than before i was placed in this hot water.

today was an alright day.
we had 2 hours of maths lecture in the morning which was super zZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz and then we had 2 hours of break and then 1 hour of inorganic & physical chem lecture which was also ZzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzz.

the only fun i had during school time today was going to king albert park's Macs with putri sayangg, ann and huan qing during break time to have macs breakfast. :D hehh. brandon didn't come cos he didn't come for the first 2 hours lecture and he came only later.
i had a super nice time with them, all the laughter and stuff and even all the shitting together. :x LOL.

after school i went to meet my ben (my godbro cum cousin) at city hall mrt. we went there to walk walkkkk. we went to the raffles city shopping centre first and i went to get a new wallet there.

then we walked marina square and then to suntec city.

I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY TODAY BECAUSE OF SOMETHING.
since we were at suntec city, my old workplace, i smsed my ex-colleague, melvin li who was one of the closest colleagues of mine at that time. he said that he's very busy and will call if he could come down. so ben and i were eating at the foodcourt when suddenly,
melvin sat in front of me, beside ben. with mouth full of food, i was squealing!
i was so happy! i miss him a whole lot cos he was really nice to me and my friends.
so we talked and stuff and he now owes me 1 tub of ben & jerry's ice cream instead of 2 scoops. hehhh. :p
he is still as childish as ever, a 20 something year old man still acting as if he's a kidd.
BUT, i'm still happy. hehh.
we're gonna meet up for coffee soon, as he claims. ((((((((((:

after walking so much, ben and i finally made our way home.
thank you ben, for walking with me and keeping me company. I LOVE YOU! :D

after a long day, i know that feeling in my heart, struggling to be stronger. but, some really nice people make me feel strong again and that i can face my problems. (:

® says:
if you feel like talking im here

you're the last person i'd ever thought would say that. thank you raphael for the other advice as well. this means a lot to me. (:

pingg dear, you're always there. thank you so much. i know sometimes it's alright to crumble, but i won't. cos it's not worth it, and i know i'll be stronger. i know i still have you that's why i'll be stronger! :D i love you so so much dearie! :D

i am terribly tired now, so goodnight world and all you lovely people. (:

this is the start of something new. (:

still standing strong.

2006-10-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

rah. i'm so tired. today's been a long day and i can't wait to close my eyes and go to sleep.
hehh.
anyway i hope you all love my new skin, cos i do. heh. (:
i think rain's cute, and for people who know what i mean, it has NOTHING to do with anyone okay. haha. i like him because he's talented and all, not because i was influenced. (:

oh well, i had a bad start at sch today.
i was so mad with my lecturer that i was tearing.
i was more of pek cek, not that mad.
i couldn't do this online maths revision thingy because i supposedly didn't do my homework on maths online when I DID.
and i told her i did but she said that the system didn't register it and she kept insisting that i didn't do my work.
PEK CEK.
oh well, never mind.
in the end i had to redo some of the questions (urgh!) and then i did my revision.
though i did the revision until somewhere during break time, i was pretty happy. (:
cos putri sayangg, brandon, ann & huan qing waited for me to finish. :D
then we went to eattttt.
so i guess the morning wasn't the worst it could be.

we had inorganic & physical chem prac today.
we did titration. just like in secondary school.
it was funn cos i was laughing quite a lot.
my lecturer is pretty funny when he's not lecturing. lol.

i went home with huan qing and i was complaining to her about a lot of things.
i think she hear until her ear pain. lol.
sorry qing.
but she gave me good advice.
since not good, let go, and let someone replace. (:

i got to laze around at home and relax. i like. LOL.
i even had time to chat with some people which made my day better too. (:

lancer says:
but i know u are nice girl.

lancer says:
u are sunshine girl.

(:

alright, i shall go noww. tonight will be a nice time to sleep, it's so cold. (:
nightie nights! :D

please let me meet my dream boy in my sleep later. (:

the break up.

2006-10-24T07:35:00.001-07:00

so yesterday night, on the 23rd of October 2006, we celebrated our dear wanling's sweet 17th at the vines restaurant. (:
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happy birthday girlie, i hope you enjoyed your birthday as much as we did! :D i hope all your wishes come true too! WE ALL LOVE YOU! :DD

we all had some camera fun too. hehh. (:

aww, these people make me so happy. ((:

i really hope wanling enjoyed herself. (:

anyway,
i've learnt something.
whatever that it is,
whatever reason that leads a couple to a break up, doesn't really matter.
why?

because, a break up is still a break up.
you cannot change the situation and neither can you reverse the time.
you cannot hope that things didn't happen, neither can you hope that you didn't collect memories.
i guess it's just a matter of letting things go and learning to accept reality instead of escaping and telling yourself that things will never get better.

i know that things will get better, because i've gone through it before. and learning from experience, i will get over things. and even if i feel as if i cannot love anyone else anymore because of the hurt that i've experienced from such a tough relationship, i know one day, i will still love like i've never been hurt before.

i cannot say that this has been a really easy time for me.

many days i just feel lousy and just blame people, but most of the time myself for causing myself so much misery and some days i just feel like crying because i feel as if the world has crushed me.

mummy says, this is part and parcel of life. in the beginning, i was too blinded by tears to be able to see that. i'd get angry, not with her, but with myself. because i felt that i made too many stupid decisions. but i'm learning and will still continue to learn how to cope with life until i die.

whatever reasons that people have for breaking up with a person, whether because the person hurt you too much for you to be able to continue to be with him/her or you felt that you could find someone better, whatever reason it is,

i know my reason for letting the person i love so much go, was because i know he was suffering too much with me. and holding on to him would only hurt him further and make things difficult for both of us.

people say that if you really love a person, you will learn to let go of him/her.
i didn't understand that in the beginning, but i understand it now. and i'm accepting it.

this is a decision that i've made and it's something that i have learnt from.

i love my baby too much, to see him cry and to see him suffer. this is better for him, and for me.
because, i'm tired of crying and looking like a goldfish the next day. lol. and i'm starting to smile more, laugh more, forget about my worries and live my day like there's no tomorrow. i believe time will heal everything so i'll just give myself some time. i won't rush myself but i will let things go by naturally.

i know one day i'll find my wonderful other-half. ((:

(: i really am okay now. so friends out there, if you guys were worried that i was saying i'm okay just to let you all stop worrying, don't worry. cos this time it's for real. and i'm REALLY OKAY. :D

and last night, i dreamt of a really cute and funny dream. last night's rest and sleep was the best out of all the past few days. i slept like a dead log. i even had a hopeful dream. and i have to thank God for that. (:

i'll tell you all my dream. hehh. i hope it still comes true after i tell you all though. (:

i dreamt of this really handsome and cute guy in my dream that i have NEVER met before in my life. he plays rugby, he's not too muscular, not too thin. he was just right. he was adorable alright.

i dreamt that he was a christian who attended the same church as me. and one day, i told mum i didn't wanna go church because i didn't want to see him cos i was angry for some reason. then she came to pick me up and both her and dad took me to this field where he was there with his team.

oh, and btw, he leads the rugby team and he's real good. i was mad with my mom and shouted at them. then, he saw me and i ran while he chased and finally, i FLEW. yes, i flapped my hands and flew to the highest building. i know this is stupid but this is just a dream. this won't come true la. but the rest will. :p then he stood down at the foot of the building saying really sweet stuff for me to come down. and i finally did, but as cruel as i am, i locked him in this big chest. and he shouted and screamed for me to let him out. then when i finally did, his pretty face was smiling but his hair was a mess. i was shocked to see him smiling and then he touched my face. and then i woke up. :'( such a bad time to wake up. RAH.

never mind. tonight i'll be playing rugby with him. :p

*oh ya, i'm taking touch rugby for sports & wellness in school with ann, brandon and wen wei.*

i wish i could see his pretty face again. sigh. :(

but i woke up feeling real good today. ((((:

so hopeful. lol

today has been good beside doing maths online and blah. i went to eat heh meee! :D hhehehehe

the future's still bright, i've still got a long way to go. so much to learn. i know i'll be strong. (:

so people out there facing heartache now, be strong okay? cos things will get better. (:

i love you all out there for being with me all the way. (:

just keep on smiling. (:

2006-10-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

we all have certain points in our lives where we'll feel the lousiest, the lowest.
where we'll feel as if we cannot carry on anymore, where we'll feel so tired, so burdened.

i am here now. weary and burdened. i feel like my world is crashing down on me. not because of my situation. but because i know the person i love is suffering because of me.

i am tired from facing all the heartaches, but the thing that makes me the most burdened and tired is the look on his face. i'd give anything to see him smile. to see him laugh. to hear him tell me, "i'm okay" with all the conviction in the world.

i believe love brings happiness and pain too. but it's been one rollercoaster ride after another. that now, i fear that when we reach the happiest and amazing peaks of our lives, it'll come tumbling down any second to the deepest valleys. i fear and i don't even want to imagine what will happen next.

i want to be strong, i want to be strong for him. but i feel that i can't anymore. cos i can't do anything. i'm as good as rubbish to a human, useless and unwanted when it comes to this relationship now.

my heart aches the most when i know i can't make him feel better, when i know he is grieving but i can't put that smile back on his face.

love is a wonderful thing. something that everyone wants to hold on to. expression of love can come in many forms. being there for someone, supporting that someone, helping them in times of troubles, making that someone happy. but now, i realise that i can't do anyone of them now.

the expression of love that is the most painful for both people are letting go of them when you still love the other person so much but you know you have to and that that is the only thing that you can do for them then. to some people, it is a great sacrifice in love where the aftermath includes pain, tears, heartache.

what can i do now?

Dear Lord, show me the way, because i am too weak now to make the right decisions, i really don't know what i can do for the person i love. show me the right way, and help me to follow. i really need Your help now. i thank You for all the wonderful friends who have been supporting me. please bless them and keep them safe. i really love them, and i appreciate every single one you've placed in my life. thank You Lord. i commit myself and every situation into Your hands because i believe everything will be alright with You around. Amen.

to some wonderful people in my life :

mummy : i could do without everything in this world, but i really wouldn't be able to live without you mom. i really can't describe how much i love you. you're my support and my perfect mother. a mother who would go to far extents to make her own daughter happy because she loves her. you're amazing mom and i would never be able to live without you. i really don't know what i'd do without you.

putri sayangg : have i mentioned how much i love you? hehh. (: thank you sayangg for that blogpost and that song. i know someday i will be able to sing that song to someone. thank you for that encouragement and comfort sayangg. i love you many tonnes! :D

pingg darling : you've been such a sweetheart all this time, like you've always been. cheering me up and giving me good advice. thank you for that blogpost and for that verse. you don't know how much it comforted me. i love you so much dearie! (:

lizz & yiling : you 2 are always there for me and i know it. thank you. i love you both. (:

onelingg : ling lingg! :D thank you for your blogpost. i teared when i saw it. it serves as a great reminder that in times of pain, i still have you and my other friends. thank you. love love! (:

ann : thank you for talking to me that day and making me feel so much better. i believe God wants me to be strong too and i will continue to pray. i love you girly! (:

huan qing : you're always making me laugh you silly girl. lol. i know you know the pain that i've gotta go through so thank you for cheering me up during sch days. i'm so blessed to have met you and ann. (:

elle whyy : for every single advice you gave me that day, they've been stuck in my head & heart till today. thank you for being such a sweetie and giving me valuable advice. i will think through carefully and will call or sms you when i can't take it. while i am being strong, please be strong too. and i will be here whenever you need me. i love you sweets! :D

brudder : just 4 words, i love you brudder. ((:

last but not least, TAGBOARD REPLIES! sorry i haven't been replying. i shall reply here for convenience's sake okay? sorry. (:

litong : thank you girl. (: i hope you are well too. *huggs!

oneling : next time you cut hair for me then i cut for you too okay? hehh! :DDDDDD

pl : thank you! (: i will be strong! take care okay! (:

EMM : aww, thanks emm dear. i will run to your house one day if i really feel like bursting okay? i love you too emm. (:

SHERM : i'm really glad you like it! (: stay happy!

sarah : i know you mean well, sarah. thank you. (: but there are things that are hidden from the outside world and only us both know what's really happening. but yes, i'm being strong. and thank you for caring. :D

elle whye : thank you sweetheart. (: you're a stronger girl and we both know that. (: i love you sweets and take care!

*i am strong when i am on YOUR shoulder.

14months ~~and counting.~~

2006-10-19T00:34:00.001-07:00

i just woke up from a nap.
i had a horrid dream. a horrid one, with so many different bad situations.
i sat on the bed and i feel like crying cos i rmb the last senario so clearly about how a little boy was tortured by so many men in the dream and because i couldn't help him, i wanted to get out of that place asap and thus, i woke up.

i was feeling so tired, well this week's been tiring. emotionally, mentally and physically.
i feel pretty burnt out. i keep thinking so much.
i really don't understand, why should i think so much. why should i still have feelings. why should i still feel anything. why should i hope for so many things when i know they won't happen?! why should i react like that? why should i cry? why am i so dumb? why?

it's alright, i know i have to be strong. fight all these fears away. i will be able to. i won't be alone cos i have people who care about me and i'll make it through. i'll make it through. thank you sayangg, for your blog post. it made me cry. i know, i'll find him one day where every long lost dream and every painful relationship seem like stars which led me to him. (: i love you sayang! :D

okay, goodbye everyone. i feel a little better now. (:
i'm being strong.
bye.

i'm wishing to hear the words "i want you back", but i banish it at the thought of its impossibility.

(:

2006-10-18T01:29:00.001-07:00

so today was a pretty fine day. (:

i woke up super early today again, aiyo. so tiring can. :(
i didn't had a really peaceful sleep last night as well. sigh. :(
but yes, the day was full of stupid laughter. i laughed until i can mati. :P
our class schedule was like that today actually:

1 hour of maths prac and maths tutorial each and then 2 hours break and then 3 hours prac for inorganic and physical chemistry.

BUT, we only had 1 hour of maths and then 3 HOURS of break. so brandon, putri sayangg, huan qing, ann and me went to king albert park's macs to eat breakfastttttttttttttt. YAY! :D

lol, it's been such a long time since i had breakfast at macs and woah, i miss it so much. (: finally, i got to eat my big breakfast. we stayed there for about 1 and a half hours talking nonsense and laughing super loud like crazy people there. but i sure had a good time, laughing. i cannot tahan. LOL. :DDD i really had a good time. thanks to the crazy friends i have. i love all of you. (:

*caution, one of the pictures down there are hilarious. :P i laughed like crazy when he did that. LOL. but in real life, it's not like that la okay. heh. :D

i love them likeeeeeee i don't know what. (:

i'm gonna go cut my hair nowwww. i wanna snip a big chunk of it off.

lol, i can't take it. it's irritating me and i feel it's too long. hope it turns out alright eh.

and after that i'm going shopping with benn, my cousin. (:

i'm definitely gonna buy a new wallet and a few other stuff. :D

bye bye everyone! and take care. i'll blog some time again soon. :D

goodbye.

2006-10-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

hello everyone. (:

how have you all been? i'm sorry i haven't been blogging as usual. (:

actually, i have something to say. from today(more like from yesterday onwards) i am no longer attached.

perhaps in the midst of all the happiness that people outside saw, underneath everything there were problems and things that only those 2 people understood.

his mom found out. found out about us. she asked us to break up, to just be friends. and he chose to give up on me, give up on us. he sent me a message. "i agree with mom. let's break up and just be friends.". it hurt so bad. i was sitting in an event and i wanted to burst out crying. it really hurt. but i've thought things through.

i realised, that maybe i didn't mean that much to you that our relationship was just a game. and when someone shouted game over, even though one party wanted to remain strong, the other one gave up. i wished instead of "let's break up", "let's stay strong and get through this together.". i could be strong for you. i've been so strong for so long for you. but you chose to give up on me.

i held my tears back, and i really thank God i had yiling with me to comfort me. your presence is enough dearie. thank you. (: i love you. :D but i finally burst into tears when i was held in my mom's arms. i cried so hard. and after the tears stopped, mom started talking to me and advising me as usual. but to my surprise, i didn't get upset about the things she said that would normally get me angry or upset. things like "you'll find someone better" and "don't brood over it anymore" really didn't make me angry. instead, i agreed with her. she even asked me questions that made me think so much. questions like "what if one day his mom makes him choose between me and her". i've finally come face to face with my fears that i've been running away from. i realised i've been lying to myself, telling myself that "he'll surely choose me, for real.". but now i realise, that deep down, i know i feel uneasy. i know that he'll not choose me. so now, i'll just tell myself that "he'll choose her, but it's alright"

he chose to give up on everything that we've went through. yes, mom. maybe he was really playing with my feelings and maybe he just isn't committed to me. yes. i know now. maybe i've been holding on for too long. i've been struggling with so many things, but i stayed strong. i struggled. i couldn't see him and spend quality time with him like normal couples did. i couldn't talk to him on the phone whenever i wanted and at times, when i called him during the times when i needed him the most, he wouldn't pick up his phone as well. it's been hard. i persevered. but yes mom, i want a man who'll stay strong for me, fight for me, make strong decisions for me. so perhaps, this is the time i'm finally letting go.

it's okay if you've chosen to give me up, cos i've decided to give up from today. i want to walk and not turn back and not have any regrets. i want to be happy. i don't wanna be played like this anymore. i'm so tired. break up after break up, i'm tired and i no longer want to go through this. i guess you should have told me earlier that you wanted to be friends than drag it on until now right? lol. you can't keep doing this to a girl, cos now. she finally feels "emotionally drained" and numb. whatever that you've decided, if you've decided to let someone go, don't stand in hope that maybe someday she'll come back to you. while you're stuck in your past, she's taken your decision and moved on. a heart can once belong to you, but it can then be taken from you as well.

it's alright anyway now, cos i've moved on. i won't be turning back now. mom was right, maybe only i could have beared with this. lol. it's alright now, i'll be treating myself well from now on. (:

and finally, thank you for everything you've given me and for everything you've taught me. i've learnt so much from this relationship. how to give and how to experience happiness through struggles. i've learnt perseverance. the many things i've learnt from you are countless. i'm sure glad that even through life, i shared a phase of it with you. i hope you've gained as much as i have. take care, thank you. and goodbye. (:

friends, it's not because i don't love him anymore. it's because i want to love myself better from now on. (:

but don't worry okay! i'll be alright! cos.................................

i still have GOD, my bestie, my family, friends and all of you out there. :DD i know i'll be fine with you all around.

(sayangg's cool shades! :D)

the sun will continue to shine on me. (: so don't worry please. i'll be alright, i know.

thank you huan qing and ann, i love you both like a crazy nut! :p

thank you brudder, for calling and msging me at the right time. funny isn't it? you're always there no matter what when i'm at the lowest points of my life. i really don't know what i'd do without you and yes, i'll listen you your advice. i love you brudder. (((((((((:

HEHHHH. thank you for reading my long entry people. so sorry for such a long one yeah. :p

:DD take care and bye bye! :D

thank yous & tagboard replies.

2006-10-08T11:22:00.001-07:00

hello people, it's been a while since i blogged.
i'm really sorry, i've been really busy with work and stuff.
anyway, just to update, my bank job has ended. (:
for the people who've constantly visited my blog and still tagged even though they know that i'll take a million years to reply, thank you very much for your cares.
this means a whole lot to me, and it gives me a lot of encouragement.

well, the haze has been horrible and i have a difficulty breathing at many times and i keep coughing.
i have weak lungs. :(

my best friend has flew off to switzerland, and i really miss her. sigh, now that i've ended work and have got more free time, i can't go shopping with her. :(((
i really can't wait till she comes back but i do hope she's having a good time there and is safe with her family. (:
i miss and love you pingg.

to wanling : hey girl, do not worry. all's fine now. (: i'll update you further next time okay? really thank you for constantly caring and asking if things are going well. thank you! big big huggs! :D

to vivien : you crazy girl. :P you almost gave me a heart attack last night. LOL. i think i too stupid, believe too easily. wanling scared me okay. haha. friend of 10 years, you are so lame. :p but thank you for caring about me too and asking me to take care. i really needed it last night. (: i had a better sleep than i imagined thanks to you and wanling. :D

okay, i don't really wanna flood my own tagboard and i haven't been replying to all of you who have been tagging. i'm sorry ya. haha. been busy as a bee. but please continue tagging okay? it really means a lot to me. thank you! i'll reply you guys here! :D

ellewhye : thank you sweetheart. (: i guess i was too caught up in everything. but things are better now. please take care! miss you!

vivien : yes WOMAN. haha. thank you for your concernnnnnnnnn. :D

JANICE : yep, things are better already. thank you for the encouragement too JAN. i must have more faith! (: you take care okay!

shezn : thank you shezn. (: that's all i can say. really, thank you. for your prayers, your encouragement and everything. thank you. (:

EMM: miss you too dear emm. :D

dwightie : oieeeee. next time when you come out from camp we go out okay. :p hehehe. sorry about the photos laaaa. i hardly see you onlinee. bleargheskljasd. i'll send it to you when i do see you online okie! :D i miss you dwightie!

oneling : thank you for your constant "take cares" girl. though it's the same words everytime, but they feel different everytime i read them. and i still feel really cared for when i read them. and i love the eggg too. :ppp hehehe. TAKE CARE okayyyy. jia you for exams! i believe you can! :D meeet up soon! ((:

to my baby,
you're so silly. no matter how you feel like i don't care about you, or don't love you, or no matter how "violent" i am towards you,
you know i still care about you and love you.
these things will never change.
only how you change. :p
whatever it is, let's work hard together, to find constant happiness that sometimes gets lost in the busi-ness of life and everything else.
somehow, i always feel that feeling.
i'm always ready to give up a part of my heart, if things aren't going well. or i don't feel happy.
but yet, i still can't do it.
i can't lose you.
i can, if only i lost myself.
i'm glad i had a good cry today, i've been feeling so much heartache this week. and it just hurt so bad. i'm glad i could cry in your arms.
where you're still willing to comfort me, willing to hold me.
your arms are my home. i can cry in them, feel the weakest when i'm in them.
i'm just glad i have you.
though you kept quiet most of the time and kept wiping my tears and just said "don't cry" at certain times, i felt so much comfort.
it was a painful and relieving cry.
thank you so so much. (:
i'm glad i saw you today.
i love you dearest, so so much.
i can no longer explain that love,
but my heart understands.
i love you, and will always need you.
goodnight dearest.

driven to exhaustion.

2006-10-01T03:41:00.001-07:00

what's the thing that make relationships fail?
the failure to understand each other?
or is it the being selfish part? where both parties just want more love but can't seem to be getting it?
or is it the tiredness in a party that knows she's breaking down and cannot handle so many responsibilities?
that she would love to love that special person with her heart but now it seems she's too burdened with so much, she finds it hard to balance it up sometimes.

i really feel like giving up on every single thing i have.
not because i hate them.
but because, i don't want to disappoint the people i love,
and neither do i want to hurt them further.
i don't hate them, i love them.
but i can't seem to take out all that time for them cos i can't please everyone.
i can't balance everything.
i'm useless at that, alright?
i'm just so tired.
trying to seek everyone's understanding.
trying to make them understand that i can't please everyone as much as i want to.
if i could, i wouldn't hurt them. i wouldn't.
if i had more than 24 hours in a day, i would make all the time in the world for them.
but i don't.

i really can't please everyone and i've tried my best.
my best to do everything i can to make everyone understanding.
just a bit more, and i'll break down.

i'm tired, i'm exhausted.

i want to help my friend,
i want to spend time with my baby,
i want to spend time with pingg,
i want to spend time with my church buddies,
i want to spend time with all my friends,
i want to do the best i can, to love my loved ones and make them feel loved.

but at the same time,
i have to live up to my responsibilities,
i have work to do, and people to help in work,
i have to live up to expectations of people, whom i don't wanna disappoint.

what can i do?
i'm tired, so tired

i wish people would understand sometimes and understand that i'm just really tired and need some support.
i've cried a couple of times during this week.
and i'm so stressed that i sleepwalked after so many years.
i haven't been slping well.
i haven't even had time to myself this past week.
i even have to work on a sunday.

to baby, i hope you understand my position. please. i really find it really hard and difficult on me. i feel really pressurised. i really love you, and want to give you everything i can. i'm sorry to have hurt you. and i'm just really tired, really. this is the time when i need you most. please understand. i'm breaking down.

God, please don't ever forsake me.

my better world.

2006-09-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

look at all of us now.
so guilty of always wanting things that we think would be better, would be greater.
instead of loving and appreciating the things that we have, we always want good-er, better, best.

we're always wanting,

a better family,
a better school,
a better boyfriend, maybe one on whom you can press the "erase my bad points" and "buy me loads of things" buttons,
a better girlfriend, maybe one who'll give you everthing, yes, "EVERYTHING".
better friends, maybe because they irritate you sometimes and have made some big boo boos and have driven you up the wall too many a times.
more money, so we can buy more stuff that we want.
a better workplace so you can slack more and work less but still earn much money.
better looks so we can attract more people and yes, be judged as beautiful by this world.

always wanting a better this, a better that.

never happy with this or that.

just wanna let you guys know, i AM NOT referring to anyone in the above statements.

but yes, we're all guilty of wanting better things in life and brooding over the bad stuff than appreciating and loving our blessings, all of us, that's including me.

here's how i feel.
whatever it is in life, we'll always have some cracks in it somewhere somehow.
but to me, your best is determined by how you look at things.
if you look at things at another angle, even if they're the worst things you think you'll ever encounter in life, you start to realise that actually they're not that bad after all.
you'll never have a perfect life,
and we'll always end up with cracks somewhere,
we can never change that fact.
but the best things are that when you're feeling the downs of the down-ests in your life,
you have people around you who love you, who are always supporting you no matter what, who'll always love you even though you'll continue to make big boo boos. they're people we'll always have, people whom we can always run to no matter what.
mistakes, hurts, pains, regrets, all mould us to be better and more matured people.
we learn from everything that happens in life. they make us the people we are today.
life is beautiful, only if you learn to see that it is.

i am still learning how to see life as more of beautiful than ugly.
and i hope the people i love who're suffering somehow, will learn to see that too.
we'll always have to get through difficult phases in life, no matter how torturous it is, you'll get through it and you'll be stronger than ever.
just hang in there and be strong. (:

i may not have the best things in life,
i may not be rich and have a lot of money,
i may not be as fortunate as other people,
but i have other things that maybe other people would envy.
everyone has their own little godsent blessings.
they just have to embrace their ones.
we all have our own BESTS. ((:

that's all i want to say.
and i just wanna tell my baby,
i'm sorry. for the many times i've felt as if i always have to find someone better.
that there's always someone out there better than you.
i'm really really sorry.
sometimes i take things out on you when i'm feeling tired.
you know how i am sometimes right?
i am not perfect, i'm sorry.
these few days have been killing me. and i don't mean all those things that i do to you.
sorry for my bad temper sometimes.
i just wanna let you know, no matter what, you'll still be my best.
i'm an idiot for feeling all those dumb stuff.
cos you know, how can i find someone better when i know that i've got my best already? (:
i love you, whether it's moody days or not, just know that.
i love you. and you're the best. :D

blessed am i.

2006-09-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

HELLOOOO.

i started work this wk at abn-amro. and i've been busy busy as a beeee.
but still, i'm happy. (:
you know why?
-
-
-
-
-
-
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cos of..
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MY HONEY BABY! :D
so here's what he's done for me during this wk.
first day of work, he was worried that i'd get lost so he woke up early with me and accompanied me to my workplace.
so as you can see, i started my day VERY WELL. ((:
then i went to work, dorothy(my supervisor) was on leave, so i did stuff for other ppl. it was alright luh. cos they're really NICE people. :D
then i met my baby for lunch. he waited for me since morning till lunch time.
we went to eat at this japanese restaurant. and he sneaked something into my bag while i wasn't watching.
he bought me that bracelet he gave me the last time which i lost, in another colour.
and he went to CHANGI AIRPORT to get it for me while i was working.

since monday till today, i've seen him everyday.
he's been coming to see me for lunch and dinner for one day.
he waits for me since morning as he tells his mom he's going to sch so he's gotta leave home early. until lunch, he sees me for one hour and has lunch with me.

i can't put down my feelings in words, neither can i explain what i really feel.
i just know, i can't do without you.
not because i cannot do without the things you do for me,
or even the flowers you give me,
but because i know i need you, not because i've been so used to having you around,
but because, i love you, so so much.
and without you, i'd be a heart with no home.

because i love you, i need you.
because i love you, i really can't do without you.
because i love you, i can do without all the little things you do for me, as long as i have you around.

i just want you to know, i really appreciate all the little things you've been doing for me.
they mean so much to me, even if i don't say it, i feel it. and you're really so important to me. i love and need you baby SO SO MUCH, till i can give up eating heh mee. :pp i just love you a lot la okay. :p

met my other precious darling for dinner today too. (:
i love my PINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG darling so muchie! :DDDD
and met onelingggg too. ((:
another plus plus. :D i sure hope she's alright now.

though work's been really busy, i love my job actually! cos i love the people there. they're super nice. haha. and there are a few people who can really make me laugh until i forget about my tiredness. my other colleague is really nice too. sigh, i really don't wanna end work soon actually. i think i'm gonna be really sad when my time there is up. :((

see there's DOROTHY, my supervisor, who's super understanding and funny.

there's MELVIN who's really lame and always walks around disturbing me and talking nonsense. :p but he helps me when i've got problems. (: he's nice.

then there's HWEE SING, my other colleague who's my lovely company. (:

there's ALWIN, the new guy who came in today who helped me to do stuff today when it wasn't part of his job. (:

there's EVERYONE ELSE who's helpful and nice.

i'm really really blessed. ((((((((:

really. thank You GOD, and goodnight world. :D

happy 13 smiley happy months honey. (:

11 September 2001

2006-09-11T01:50:00.000-07:00

yeap. today's the 11th of September. it's been 5 years since that incident happen. this post is in memory of the thousands of innocent people who died in this horrible thing and for the people who risked their lives to save lives and are dead or sick and alive.

i just read something that day. that some people who risked their lives to save people during this incident, are suffering from either respiratory problems or some other problems due to the large amount of smoke and dust during that time. these people are amazing. and i admire them for all that they've done. they're suffering from respiratory problems now, even though they've done good deeds. but yet, many of them have done this without any regrets. how many of us can really do that? to do something so selfless, with your life on the line, but don't regret a single bit of it? i pray, today, that after doing so much, that God, You will bless them in some way or another and heal them of their sicknesses. Amen.

i also read, that 4 widows rely on each other for strength after losing their husbands. these women have not given up on their lives, even after losing a really close loved one. instead, they persevere and look out for each other. i say, this is pretty admirable. i guess, we'll never know when life is gonna end or when we're gonna lose someone dear. but being able to deal with the pain courageously and support other people who're in the same plight as you, is a sign of strength. whatever it is in life, whatever unfortunate thing that happens to us, we should learn to be, like them, strong. i pray, that God, You'll continue to give them the strength they need for each coming day. and give them the love they need. Amen.

that was a day to remember. a day of pain, and shock. but to this day, i will never forget the people who risked their lives or who stay strong even after their loss of their loved ones. it may not have happened here, but it's something to be really aware and thankful of. (:

and i pray too, for the people out there who need strength. know that life takes a turn everytime you think all is failing. stay happy, and smile even though it seems like it's the hardest thing to do. you'll get through your situation one day. i pray for you all and myself as well, for every situation that we've got to go through.

and yes, it feels super duper good to be back! :D

love just ain't enough;

where's my home tonight?

2006-09-08T23:59:00.001-07:00

sigh. today's dinner was okay but yet, not so okay. i'm UPSET about it and i really just wanna go home. we had dinner at J.W Marriott hotel today. had Korean food. it cost my dad a bomb. the beef was nice, tender and everything but that was the okay part. you see, today dad brought one of his female golf kaki, sally. she's a really nice lady and all. in the middle, i had gastric, a really bad one this time cos we went for dinner later than usual today and i have a really sensitive stomach and so the gastric. dad and mom carried on eating, only at intervals mom would ask "very pain ah?" and dad said "it's not good to not eat anything." and i was like "i didn't skip my meal okay? it's just that we're eating later than normal and my stomach just can't take it.". and you know who really cared and didn't NATO? yeah, auntie sally. a person i only got to know today. she got me gastric tablets and ordered warm soup for me to drink. how nice is that? after we finished eating, dad and mom asked us to go and walk walk and look around. okay, they didn't really ask, they were practically CHASING us. i don't know what adult stuff you wanna talk about, but you don't have to chase your children out okay. so we went out, please, all the shops were like "Mulberry", "Louis Vuitton", etc. what do you expect us to look at? so Jeremy and i just sat down, and we talked about family, and the love from a family. we talked about a lot. about the past. whatever it is, i just know i feel super lonely here even though everyone's at home. but i'm still thankful i have Jeremy with me here. though it's a quarter of the whole, it still makes a big big difference. i think i wouldn't have survived these few days if not for him, i'm serious. it's that bad.

oh yes, there was another thing. my dad and auntie sally, after he already had many drinks of alcohol and liquor, when we were about to leave for home, wanted to drink another tall full glass of alcohol. dad was the one who was gonna drive us home. so obviously, Jeremy and i told him not to. and he looked at us as if we said something wrong and we don't understand anything. he didn't listen and he just drank it all down. please, you don't wanna think about yourself, you can get drunk for all i care. but if you are aware of the least bit that your wife, son and daughter are in your hands while you are driving, please spare a thought for us, if you even care to. in the end, he was DRUNK! i was really really aggravated deep inside. in the end, he had to stop at the side of the road and get out and let my mom drive.

hah. and what else? you told mom what? you asked her to tell us to not say these kinda things in front of your friends or when we go out to dinner next time. we are human, and we are involved in your drinking okay. if you are alone, it is your business. but really, if this is about your face, then i really can't be bothered if i threw it. cos i feel that safety is more impt. and if you want children who just shut up and sit down and let you do what they think is morally wrong, then don't bring us along next time, or just bring puppets to go sit there and act a perfect show for you. i'm sorry, but i'm not a puppet, and i'm your daughter. i care for your health. the way you've been drinking every night, scares me. and i think your liver is more scared than i am. what more with all the stress at work. this is not the way to go, if you really want to live healthy, like the way you claim you do.

sigh. dad and mom, i'm not stupid, neither am i naive. Jeremy isn't either. we may look like some small kids who don't know anything. but we're more matured than you think and sometimes i even feel we're even more matured than you. please, you're the adult, and what's more, you're our parent. can't you at least set a good example? you may think we do not know what's morally right or wrong and sometimes feel that maybe you can change or inculcate in us some morals which you do sometimes but i find that these are more immoral than moral. you do not have to teach me, cos my precious mummy has taught Jeremy and i the right way to do things. and you can never change that. i know what is right and what is wrong. and i see things you think i can't see and i know things you thought i never knew. please dad, can't you at least change some of your habits? at least make me look forward to seeing you and mom again? money can't buy love. all kinds of money can't. shopping money, food money or even educational funds. they CANNOT buy love. i know they can't, cos i've experienced it here. i'd give ANYTHING to go back to Singapore now. really.
maybe one day you'll understand it. one day. it's been years, but you still don't get it.
but all that you've done, i know you mean well. and i still love you dad. and thank you for bringing us to nice places to eat. but well, it changes some things, but it doesn't change much.
i love you dad, and i hope one day you'll understand.

i feel so good after trashing it out.
my gastric's still here and my heart's still sore.
i can't wait to get back tomorrow.
sigh, it's been a bad day.
i wanna go home.

i really felt like crying.

2006-09-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

HEADACHE! D:
that's what i'm having now. rahhhh.
i am going off to bed really soon now, just that i'll be slping with my brother tonight cos my room's stupid light just won't turn on. it's always like that. UGHHH!
i have a phobia, i can't slp without lights unless i know someone's there with me. i don't know, i think it's because i had a few really bad experiences when i was young. sighh.
i wish i could get out of it, i think it's been too long and i shouldn't be afraid.
but, Jeremy's the sweetest thingg, he not only let me sleep on his comfy bed(though i said i could slp on the floor on the mattress), he helped me shift all my pillows and stuff from my room. (:
i'm so blessed to have a brother like him and have him with me here.
at least, with him around, i don't feel so lonely. ((:
i guess it's times like these where you really appreciate your loved ones. hehh.

today was quite an alright day, though i'm still missing people back home terribly. :(
i woke up at noon today. cos i was having a headache and had really bad dreams.
then dadd came to pick us up. he just finished his presentation at KL with other 2 men. so dad dropped them at his office and then picked my mom up and we went to this indian banana leaf rice shop.
it was good, i tell you.
but it cost my dad quite a lot for banana leaf rice.
dad then sent jeremy and i home and then he and mom went back to the office to work.
so jeremy and i spent the rest of the day at home, watching the movie "fearless" and resting. hehh.

dadd came back halfway, cos he wasn't feeling well so he slept.
went to eat some black noodle and lor mee for dinner. haha.
it was nice, but dadd stayed at home.
so we had dinner and came home and i'm having a terrible headache right now. ughhhh.
the haze here is TERRIBLE. it's causing eye irritation and headaches for me.
sigh. i gotta go sleep now. goooodddnightttt people. (:

i miss my baby and hubby. :(

2006-09-05T23:45:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY DWIGHTIE BOY! ((:
i miss you! hope you enjoyed your birthday. let's meet up soon okay! (: <33

hello there. :D
i've been in malaysia since saturday and sighh, i ain't really lovin' it here.
i'm not hating it, but i'm not really really loving it either.
the shopping and food and laughter with my family here has been a biggggg consolation.
but still, i really miss my family, my bestie, my boy and all my other friends back home. :(
i really can't wait to go back. sighhhhhhhhhh. :((

oh well, just a little insight to what i did today.
i started the day real late today, as usual, then off to lunch with dad and stepmom at this all time favourite noodle shop.
then jeremy and i went to a shopping centre to shop and dad and mom went back to work.
so we spent half of our day walking there.
then mom and dad came to pick us up and we went to.............................

MARCHE
to eat their all-you-can-eat buffet. :DDD
it was good, i tell you.
i ate so much i felt i could burst. haha.
took quite a lot of mouth-watering pictures and will upload them when i get back. hehh. :D
and my dad's caucasian aussie business friend joined us for dinner too. (:
overall, it was a good dinner with LOADS of good food.
:D
okay, so i'll update again when i can but i'd keep on saying "i want to go home." so bear with me if i do okay? (:
take care and i miss all of you people back there! :((((

husband, i miss you tonnes and tonnes. :(( i can't wait till i get back and spend some time with you. :D

my dearest boy, i miss you so much. and i really wish you were here with me. i miss hearing your laughter and everything about you. could you send yourself over here please? :( i wish i could see you this very moment. sighh. i miss you so much hunn. don't forget me hor. :p love you dear. can't wait to see you again. (:

2006-09-01T03:14:00.000-07:00

i haven't updated in a long looooooong time, i'm sorry guys, please forgive me. haha.
it's holidays now, FINALLY. and since i haven't been updating in a long while, so here are the pictures i've promised and what's been happening recently.
the order of these pictures are from the most recent to the least recent. (:
hehehehe.

friday, 25th August, 2006
A day's getaway to Sentosa with my dearest. :D

so yes, since holidays started for my dearest and me at the end of last week, we decided to go to sentosa, underwater world and dolphin lagoon.

it was a promise finally fulfilled. heheehhh. :D

so we reached harbourfront just in time for lunch.

we had our lunch at noodlehut. i had satay chicken noodles and dearest had pork chop noodles.

it was a nice fulfilling lunch. ((:

then off to sentosa's underwater world..

and finally! we reached underwater world. heh! :D we had sooo soo much fun inside. saw many interesting sea creatures there. the experience there was indescribable and dearest made it much more better than it could be without him. (:

then off to dolphin lagoon. :DDDD i enjoyed the show a lot though it was only a short while. sigh, i wish i'll be able to work there some day. and be able to touch dolphins. haha. then we walked around in sentosa. merlion, musical fountain, etc, then back to harbourfront centre where we had subway for dinner. (: dearest took the same bus with me where i dropped off at my church bus stop for the leadership cell and he went home. i slept so peacefully that night, and with such a smile on my face. i love you dearest, thank you for being my company for that day. thank you thank you thank you. :D let's go again some time. hehehe. :p

saturday, 19th August, 2006
Granduncle Hoe Bok's Wedding.

i got to wear my prom dress again for my granduncle's wedding at sentosa, so it was kinda fun. haha. they were a really old couple getting married, but still, it was kinda nice watching them get married cos i could see that they found a lot of love in each other. i love watching weddings and i hope there will be many more coming up. hehhehe. (:

friday, 18th August, 2006
Festpiel XVII

this year's festpiel was nice because we all got to meet up with people we haven't seen in the longest time. i guess sometimes, the extravagance of an event is not what makes it a good one, but instead, it's the people who're there. (:

wednesday, 16th August, 2006
Pan Wei Bo's Concert at Singapore Polytechnic

went to Pan Wei Bo's concert with dearest at his school. i was forced. haha. okay la, just joking. i went there WILLINGLY. i've never been to any chinese concert before. lol. so it was quite a nice experience i guess. though i couldn't stand all the screeching voices. Pan Wei Bo's one of my dearest's favourite stars. though i think Rain is still better, but Pan Wei Bo's still not that bad la. haha. though i felt as if he wasted the other ticket on me, he didn't think so. he could have chosen to give the ticket to someone else who'd appreciate it better, but yet he chose to bring me along instead. i felt really loved. (:

so that's all for my longggg post. i'll update again soon! :D
oh yes, and i hope you guys like my new blogskin! hehehe. i find it really adorable with a really nice message: "even though bad things come your way in life, look on the sunny side, cos there's still always to be thankful about." (: hehh.
take care people! <33

2006-08-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

celebrating 1 YEAR (and still counting) of love, goodness and joy. (:

so, guess the occasion today?
today's hunn's & my 1 year anniversary.
in a blink of an eye, 1 year has passed so quickly.
this one year has been good. okay, VERY GOOD.

i had a really good time today. :D
hunn and i had dinner together.
and he said the other day that he'd give me a surprise and bring me someplace nice.
and he did!
at first, we reached town early. so we went to heeren to walk walk.
hunn said that it has to be dark first before we went to that place or else it wouldn't be romantic. LOL.
so yes, we walked around.
and then he said when we reached the top floor of heeren, "actually i want to bring you to billy bombers la. SURPRISE!" then i was like "huhh?! why you tell me for?! now no more surprise already la!"
so yes, i believed him and we walked awhile more and went to take neoprints before it started to turn darkk.

and finally it did. so he led me by the hand and i was thinking, okay. let's go eat at billy bombers. i'm starving. then when i was about to walk into the restaurant, hunn pulled me away and he started laughing.
i was like ???????
then he just led me down the escalators and he said i got tricked.
then he said, "actually i want to bring you to nydc one la." i said "i knew it! i guess right!" haha. because that's where i really guessed he was bringing me.

then when we were walking, he suddenly pulled me into this place and he said i got tricked so easily again...

YEP! he brought me to the BALCONY.

LOL. i had a really pleasant surprise.
the food was good. and i had a really excellent time with hunn.
the place was really nice.
and... it was hunn's treat, since he insisted. it cost a BOMB! :x
thank you hunn, thank you so so much. i feel so so happy today. :D
here are some of the pictures. ((:

at the BALCONY with our food and happy faces. :D

some of the other pictures we took and our neoprints. :DD

*hey guys, the rest of the previous events like festpiel XVII, i'll blog about it in the next entry after exams. :D sorry yeah. (:

you know,

i wished for someone to know my temperaments, and even after knowing my temperaments, to understand how i'm like sometimes.
i wished, and that wish came true when i found you.

i wished for someone who'd know me well, who'd know how to deal with "THE STORM" when it hits, although i knew nobody would really be able to stand it.
i wished, and i was surprised, cos you not only stood my storms, you knew how to calm them as well.

i wished for someone who would encourage me when i felt disappointed about failures.
i wished, and the wish sure came true. cos your encouragement always picked me back up on my feet and it also came with a lot of smiles and laughter.

sure there were good times, but there were bad times too.

2 words. YOUR MOTHER.
lol.
we faced a lot of problems because of her,
objections, discrimination.
many times it tore us apart. but yet, we knew we needed each other to be strong.
and we grew stronger with every adversity.
you stood up for me several times, and that really showed how much i meant to you.
maybe i didn't say this. but, thank you and you really mean a lot to me too.

well, those 2 words weren't the only things we struggled about.
we had small tiffs and doubts. we sometimes even quarreled about "i don't know what."
sometimes i failed to understand. and sometimes it was you who failed to do it too.
but we learned, bit by bit, to give in more, and to take a step back when we needed to.
though things are much better now, and we understand each other more,
i'm certain that though i give in, you give in more than me and though i take steps back, you seem to do it double the times.

things have really changed, we've grown to understand each other more. to learn how to really love each other more. but baby, i just wanna say a BIG thank you. for always being able to put up with me and always giving in to me. :D

i wished for many things and it all came true thru a wonderful package, YOU.
it's been 1 year. and things have never been the same. so much joy and blessings you've brought me.
i know now that i never wanna be without you.
i love you and everything about you. good or bad. i do.
thank you for making life so wonderful.
and i'm still counting and waiting, to spend every next year with you. (:

you're really God-sent.
i love you soo soo much.
happy 1st year anniversary, darling.

thank you God, for giving me so much. for giving me such a great gift. i love You,

2006-08-15T23:59:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SWEET 17TH PUTRI SAYANGG! :DD

sayangg,
i hope you really had a nice day today and i hope you like the present too! (:
for everything you are, for everything you were and for everything you'll be,
you know i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee you!
happy birthday dearest!

met sayangg this morning and that's her with my presents. and my present for her on her hand in the next picture.
the silver bracelet. (: i hope you like it sayangg. :D

anyway, guess who i met ytd?
-
-
-
-
-

yep, SAMUEL BONG! my long lost husbandd with straight hair! :p okay,
my goodie goodie best silly crazy friend who's studying in canada currently, to be exact. (:
i sure missed him!
but he's going back to canada soon though. sighh. :(
oh wellll. though that, i sure had a great time with him ytd.

met him at city hall mrt and headed off to cafe cartel for dinner.
we had so much to talk about that we took like super long to order our food. lol.
we had a really nice dinner and then he went shopping with me to get somebody's present with me. he was really sweet. going around with me. hahaha.
we talked talked talked and samuel bong is REALLLY good company.
soon we found the perfect present and,
to end the dayy, we went to eat MUDPIE at gelare. yummmmm! :D

we headed off to take the mrt after that and we went our separate ways soon after.
i missed him the instant he left.
i really really had a great time with him!
haha. oh and btw, you forgot to take back the meiji chocolate i gave you gong gong! i'll give it to you on friday. lol.
anywayyy, thank you bong for such a memorable day! (:

this friend who used to have really nice curly hair,
this friend i used to laugh so much in class with,
this friend who comforted me when i was down,
this friend who loved me even when i was really silly.
this friend who didn't forget me even when he was in canada.
this friend who made classes exciting and funny,
and yes, bearable.
this friend whom i miss,
this friend whom i'll forever remember,
this friend whom i love. (:

bong's going back to canada soon,
but till the next time he comes back, i'll be missing this precious friend of mine. (:
take care, husband. :p

anyway, i saw this pretty bracelet ytd while shopping with bongg.
SIGHHHH.
i was so sad alright. :(
you know why? this same bracelet was a present that hunn gave to me and what I LOST.
i really REALLY loveddd the bracelet. and looking at it again, i felt like crying just like that time when i lost it.
oh wellll. :(
i'll not be so careless again next time.

once you lose something, it'll never come back to you again.
so before you lose it, hold on to it tightly. (:
i mean this in many ways.

ilovemyhoney! :DDDD

goodnight worldddd. (:

2006-08-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY HUAN QING! :DDDDD
my little wu gui/tortoise. :p
i hope you had a really nice day today. i hope you enjoyed it.
for all the joy you've brought to me and all the others, i hope this birthday and days to come will bring you this same joy. (:
happy birthday darling! :D

anyway, i had a realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy nice day today.
why?
cos i went out to eat and study at subway at far east..
WITH MY HAPPY BEAN! :DD

hehh.
we went there at noon.
and woahhhh. i LOVE subway. the bread's good, everything's goooood! :D
i really enjoyed my lunchh and the cookies. :p
speaking of cookies, hunn bought me a cookie ytd and passed it to me when we met after my practical test. i was really touched. thank you sweets. :D

so back to subway, i told hunn "this place really reminds me of wanling." and really, it does!
haha. the moment i stepped in, i kept remembering wanling!
yes ling ling! my brain has permanently associated YOU with SUBWAY. :p i think it's cool to work at subway! :D hehhhh.

after that was studyingg. though many a times we got a little distracted, i still got A BIT done. hehh. though it was just 5 pages, i felt like it was a lot for my brain to handle. hunn really says things that make me laugh like nuts sometimes.
and we went a little crazy at times too. i rmb so much laughter from just now. (:

we studied till aroundd 5 and we went window shopping. lol. i felt it was really funn! and i enjoyed that part pretty much too. (((:

then it was time to go. :(
hunn went to meet his mom, i went to church for leadership cell.
i really enjoyed leadership cell too.
it was amazing, really. it was a really refreshing time.
and sitting with ben and felix is really really funny. i kept laughing when we were playing the starting game.
i had a wonderful time, thanks to God. :D
and then time to head home after a long day.
i had Sister Serling, ben, felix and clifford for company on the way to the bus stop.
and yes! though cliff said that there is a purpose for everything, i believe God doesn't want me to continue to be sick. and cliff says it's spiritual warfare. so he'll pray, i'll pray, we'll all pray, that i'll be healed! and i believe. :D

i had a gooood day, a really good one. and i'm happy. very very happy.
here are pictures of the person who made my day today. (:
i didn't take themmmm ah, except the slping one. he was so tired, he fell aslp like that. but i woke him up. :x sorry hunn. :(
and that was his distraction, my phone. :p

thank you hunn, for making my day today. i had a wonderful day with you. and i hope there will be many more days like that. many many more. (: you really know how to make me smile. and though we talked about some things today, i just want you to know. you're special in my eyes. and i really think that you're great hun. really. you have things in you that really matter to me more than anything. and i hope you know how special you are to me. how great i think you are. how much i really love you. and i don't think i'll ever meet someone as special as you. or maybe, i just don't want to. (:

2006-08-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

RAWRGHAGHHARARGHH!
i hate being sick!
and i don't understand why i've been falling sick so recently.
maybe the lack of sleep? not enough rest? stress? i don't know.
but i just hate being sick, especially when your nose feels as if it's running away and your throat's so sore.
what's worse, they spoil your plans. especially the ones that you've planned since long ago.
i was supposed to go godiva with my lovely classmates tmr. we planned to drink godiva's chocolixir. and i really wanted to go.
but now, i can't go! thanks to my sore throat. i can't drink or eat chocolate.
ARGHHHH! i am so mad with the stupid viruses and bacteria that's causing this. i want to KILL THEM. :p
oh well, i just hope my classmates enjoyy their time. i'm so sorry that i can't go. :'(
after exams when i'm well, we'll go? :DD

being sick steals away your joy. :(
i couldn't even swim when we went to orchid country club. all i did was sit on my bed or sleep.
:((
practical tests are this thursday and i haven't even started studying yet. arghhh.
please pray that i'll get well soon! :D

alright, sorry for all the complaining. i just needed to get it off my chest.
thank you for reading though, if you did. (:
take care people and have a good week ahead. :D

2006-08-05T03:38:00.000-07:00

helloooo. :D
this week's been really FUNN! though tiring as usual and though i'm down with flu and a sore throat, this week's been good.
had a quiz and test this weekk, got back my networking IT test results. i got a big fat C.
hehh. so you can see the big difference between IT idiot like me and my IT genius hunn. (:
but it's alright, at least i PASSED. :p
and i'm really happppy. cos i've seen hunn everyday since monday. (:
and we caught pirates of the carribean 2 this week! i LOVE the show. :D

went shopping with hunn on wednesday for my lil brother chrissy's birthday pressie.
we walked around town and i hadd a lot of fun. ((:
went to far east to get 1 of our favourite sweets on our list, fried mars bars - thanks to putri sayangg for the recommendation. :D
then we went to see "the house on mango street" book at borders. wanted to get it, but in the end i didn't.
after that we headed on to toys 'r' us and looked for chrissy's present.
we had a lot laughter and funn there, thanks to the wacky toys they have there. LOL.
i know i slept with a smile on my face that day, thanks to hunn. (((:

since i decided to get the book, hunn agreed to go get the book with me after school on thursday. :D
so we went straight after my last lecture and we had gelato from haato at wheelock place, where borders was.
i finally got my book and i'm so happy that i finally got it! :D
the gelato was niceeee too. ((:
we wanted to go eat our favourite heh mee after that, but in the end hunn couldn't make it, so he sent me home and he went home.
but i was still kinda touched though i didn't say it. cos i know that hunn had a lot of work to complete but yet he chose to keep me company and in the end he had to stay up late to do his work. :(
i'm sorry hunn, and thank you. (:

my sore throat on thursday night was horrid. and i was feeling so terrible that i slept from 8-12am. it was supposed to be a SHORT nap.
but i was feeling horrible.
so i slepttttt.
and this morning i woke up with a bad flu and sore throat. blocked nose. :(
actually i have no school today but i still left home to meet hunn for lunch at his school.
the food was nice. :D
since hunn forgot that he had another lesson after lunch and after that remembered, i waited for him to finish first and then we went home together.
hunn took me to the doctor since mom wanted me to go.
so now i've got more medicine to take. :((
anyway, thank you hunnnnn for your company. :D and you owe me a COOKIE, i want it after i get well. :pp
thank you darling, for everything.

and lastly, school would never be the same without my classmates. :D they never fail to make me laugh everyday. :D LOL. thank you! (:

oh yeah. and i'll be going to Orchid country club tmr and will be staying there for a night with my family to celebrate chrissy's birthday. :D
YAYYYY. (:
but i'm going to miss church and the bowling outing their having. HAIZ. :(
i'm gonna miss my church budds. :((

i miss my HUSBAND! :(((((

anyway, here are a few pictures of this week! :DDD

LOL! the funny hats in toys 'r' us! we were laughing at each other so loudly. we had a really goood laugh with all the afro, pink hair and clown hats. :D

:DDDDDDDD

yayyy! i finally got the book i really likeee.(:

2006-08-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

baby,

sometimes you just leave me wondering.

and sometimes i just wish i understood.

and sometimes i just don't wish to think about these things.

you really leave me wondering sometimes. really.

2006-07-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

i'm so sad,
ms SUZANNE WELLES, my communication toolkit lecturer is leaving back to the States to continue to be a publisher. she's such an amazing lecturer! and it's not fair that ytd's the last lesson with her. :( i've never met a teacher who's so understanding and thoughtful. i'm really gonna miss her. we had our last lesson with her ytd. and she shared about this book called "The House on Mango Street" by Sandra Cisneros. she printed out a few pages of it and we read it together. it was written like it was from a child. and i really enjoyedd those few pages. (: i'm gonna get the real book from borders some day when i'm free. i really LOVE the book. :D hehs. anyway, yes. Ms Welles has really impacted my life. i'm never gonna forget her. for the last 1/2 hour of our lesson, she took the whole bunch of us to canteen 2 to treat us to a cup of fruit juice of our choice. i mean, how nice is that? and we, gave her a card with all our writings in it and an apple strudel cake. (: so we drank our fruit juice and ate it at the same time. (: it was a nice time. but i really hated the goodbye part, cos you see, this is the last time i'll be seeing my IAC and Comm toolkit classmates in this class. though i'll be seeing them around, i'll still miss them though. :( and what more, my lecturer's leaving. :( here, i just wanna say,
Ms Welles my FAVOURITE lecturer! :DDD and you'll say that too if you've met her. i mean, whose favourite things in Singapore are the fern leaves on raintrees, hawker centres, the shophouse architecture or even being a racial minority for once?! i'm gonna miss her, but yes. i wish her all the best in everything. (:

pretty Ms Welles. ((:

this week's been really busy. first i had this ushering thing for the biobrain challenge in school and then organic and biochem quiz and then dearie pingg's birthday on thursday. but this week's good still. thursday was really funn, it's nice to finally see people you haven't seen in a long time. like oneling and nainai daddy. (: i miss them sooo much! and i'm sure pingg did too. i hope whatever i did, made her happy. i really wanted to see her really happy on her birthday. :D we all had great funn, yep? anyway, i love you dearest! and i hope you had a good time ytd. hope there will be many many birthdays we'll spend together. ((: i'll post the pictures up in imagestation including the ushering(fun fun fun) ones, that is when i have time and that will be after the other quiz. heh. (: anyway, here are a few of them first. oh and yeap. before i forget. i've got some things to say to someone. :D

CLIFFORD : hey! i'm so so sorry. this note was actually supposed to be on the 22nd of July 2006, but yep. i forgot. :( but anyway, HAPPY BELATED 17th BIRTHDAY friend. (: i hope you really had funn on that day. next time my birthday you treat me eat sakae okay? :p anyway, i pray that you'll continue to grow into the man that God has planned for you to be. (: i'm so sorry i forgot. and i owe you a present. ;)

so here are the pictures. (:

yes sayangg, always need a picture with my sayangg. (:

my pretties. :D

my lovely classmates. (:

aww. they look good, don't they?

I LOVE MY CLASSMATES. :DD

my pretty birthday girl. (: hope all your wishes come true. :D

ALL OF US. i love all of them. :D

what now?

2006-07-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

guess who's backkk?! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
samuel bong has finally come home! and i've missed him soooo much!
i'm so glad that he's backkk! :D
i can't wait to meet up! (:
WELCOME HOME, husband BONG! :DDD

2006-07-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

so many things have been happening recently, good and bad.

the bad? i've been having diarrhoea since ytd. i've went to the toilet at least 10 times. :( i think i ate something wrong ytd. and because of that, i can't go to church today because i don't think running to the toilet all the time would be a really good idea? so, i've gotta stay home and rest. :( i'm feeling really weak now. i keep falling sick! i'm really fed up with this. :( and my mouth hurts! cos i just went for my dental appt this morning and the dentist tightened my braces. ouchies. x( and i've got quizzes and my semestral exam coming up! :( i guess that's all for the bad stuff.

the good stuff? i've finished all the projects and so NO MORE projects! yayy! and i can finally take a break. the other good stuff? i've got wonderful friends who care. (: i've got a wonderful husband called pingg who always smses me during the week to ask how i am. and i've got wonderful classmates who are funn to be with and who are really nice to suffer with. :p why? cos they encourage and they make you feel comfortable and forget part of your stress. :D ANDDDD. i've got my baby, who's there when i'm sick and when i'm tired or grouchy. he's been there encouraging me, taking care of me, and loving me. i really wouldn't have survived this week without him aroundd. ((: i love my baby! :D and of course,here's my church buddies and leaders like Sister Cheryl, who are always praying for me, when i fall sick and look after my responsibilities when i can't go to church because i'm feeling sick. they are people who really care for me not through words, but actions as well. and of course, my life couldn't do without them. (:
there's GOD too. (: the One who helps me through the struggles in my life. i can be strong with Him around. :D

though bad things happen, i know there are people out there who love and care for me. so i will be strong for them. and i know i am more blessed than cursed because i have them. and i will count my blessings instead of brooding over the miserable things. (: t
and i hope baby can be strong too. though sometimes things get tough, let's not give up okay? i'll help you along. and don't feel useless. because you are not. and you are so amazing to me. everytime i feel useless, you make me feel precious, so that makes you more than precious and definitely NOT useless. and you are precious in God's sight and He sees you as a beautiful jewel that sparkles in His eyes. so be strong hun. we can overcome together! :D i love you hunn. (:

if you open your eyes big enough to see the other things in life rather than your pain, you'll see that actually, you're really blessed. :D
stay strong hun. (: and happy sweet 11th. ((:

that's my little brother after his performance ytd! he looks so adorable! and i watched his video of his dancing and singing. he was great. i wish i was there. :(

and i know this is a little late. but these are my pictures of my trip to pattaya and bangkok during june. heh. (: - -

pictures of trip to pattaya and bangkok.

2006-07-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

there are some days where you're just busy till you feel so tired and worn out, where you're feeling so stressed out and your body just feels as if it's breaking down. because instead of resting your sick body, you push on because it's necessary and it just makes things worse. all you want, is to go home and rest and just have some peace and quiet, away from all the bustling you had before. most importantly, all you wanted was for that certain someone to show some care, some bit of understanding and even, some love. but all you get at the end of the day, is that you're the one who doesn't understand when you really do. and when you're very clear of what has happened and what has hurt you. all you wanted was just some peace and quiet, yet you couldn't have it. days like these are just days when things don't seem to go your way and that someone you'd thought would be there, just disappeared and it all just made things worse. it's times like these where you'd want to close your eyes and sleep and just forget about things. so that's what i'm gonna do now. i'll face this tmr, when i have more strength.
goodnight world.

2006-07-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

YADAARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! :(
i am sitting in class now.
this class is called IT.
i just had my presentation and now the last grp is presenting.
and i'm FALLING ASLEEP.
i really wonder who's that fella who required LSCT (Life Sciences and Chemical Technology) students to take IT.
we're not learning bio-IT mind you, it's all about stupid routers, NAS and all the other nonsense.
i feel sickk and i'm tireddddddddd.
i still have another meet up later to do another project.
and today, i've been in school since 10am and will be in school until around 8pm.
ARGHHH!
this week is such a busy week!
street netball ytd, 2 projects down today but quizzes and another project up ahead.
and to top it all off, i'm sick. and i'm feeling giddy and tired most of the time.
i need a break!
HELPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :((((

2006-07-14T02:09:00.000-07:00

that pretty girl's name is phyllis.
i call her lizz.
she's one of my church budds.
and she's one of my "friends who make me smile"-from my last post.
and i love her to bits as well.
no, just because i didn't post a picture of her, it doesn't mean that i've forgotten her or i've left her out.
because I HAVEN'T.
i just didn't have a picture of her that's all.
and i think it should be understood since she's one of my church budds right? :D

she's a precious friend.
and i hope she hasn't misunderstood anything.
i'm sorry if she has. (:

-LIZZ, i'm really sorry. i hope you understand whatever i've said here. this post is especially for you. (: I LOVE YOU TO BITS! :D

alright, that's all for today.
i have more to say though. regarding some things.
but i'll talk about it another day! (:
and now it's time to get some shut-eye.

goodnight world!<3>

*iloveeeemybaby. ((:

2006-07-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

the friends who make me smile. (:

yesterday was a fun fun fun and happy day. (:
amazing! :D

anyway,
just something to think about..

ever want to tell someone how much you love them but just tell yourself that you can do it tomorrow?
well, what if tomorrow never comes for that person?
don't leave spaces in life for regrets.
so, tell your loved ones how much you love them today.
cos you will never know when they'll disappear from the face of this earth. (:

2006-07-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

okay. i was supposed to do this long ago. sorry pingg dearie. (: i'll do it now. :D

Name twenty people you can think of right now.Don't read the question(s) until you've named the 20 people.At the end of this, choose five people to do this.

1) pingg
2) enming
3) yiling
4) wanling
5) ann
6) huan qing
7) brandon ong
8) ding feng
9) putri sayangg
10) dwightie
11) brudder
12) elle whyy
13) felicia nah
14) wei san
15) ren ko
16) selwyn
17) cindy
18) clifford
19) samuel bong
20) wen wei

How did you meet #14 (wei san)?
my new class! 1M05. (:

What would you do if you didn't meet #1 (pingg)?
i wouldn't be the person i am today without her. (:

What if #9 (putri sayangg) and #20 (wen wei) dated?
ewwww. sorry, TOTALLY impossible. haha.

Would #6 (huan qing) and #17 (cindy) make a good couple?
erm, no way. they're both straight.

Describe #3 (yiling).
She's my church mate, a really nice girl. one who encourages you and comforts you when you need it. and she's a really great friend. adorable and VERY likeable. (:

Is #8 (ding feng) attractive?
hmm. sort of. i think he's cute. (:

Describe #7 (brandon).
brandon is a nice guy. has nice hair! and he loves to sleep. first impression of him is that he's really fierce. but when you get to know him, he's nice and someone that you can joke with. just don't agitate him or wake him up when he's slping nicely. haha. (:

Do you know any of #12 (elle whyy) family members?
nope.

What would you do if #18 (clifford) confess to you that he likes you?
hmmm. i don't know what i'd do. haha

What language does #15 (ren ko) speak?
it seems as if he speaks everything. haha. but i understand what he says.

Who is #9 (putri sayangg) going out with?
no one. (:

How old is #16 (selwyn)?
17!

When is the last time you spoke to #13 (felicia)?
on thursday! :D

Who is #2's (enming) favourite band/singer?
he seems to like many? sing nice then like loh. but favourite should be RAIN. hehe. :D

Would you ever date #4 (wanling)?
haha! she's already takennnn!! :D

Would you ever date #1 (pingg)?
no need to date lah. she's already my husband. :D

Is #15 (ren ko) single?
yes. but he's happy. (:

What's #10's (dwightie) last name?
TAY.

Would you ever be in a relationship with #11 (brudder)?
hhhmmm. nahh. he's my brudder. :D

School of #3 (yiling)?
whitley sec. (:

Where does #6 (huan qing) live?
bukit batok if i'm not wrong. i always get confused on this! haha.

What's your fave thing about #5 (ann)?
her nice-ness.

Have you seen #1 (pingg) naked before?
wait, let me thinkkk....... :p

The Five People Are:
1) enming
2) felicia nah
3) putri sayangg
4) wei san
5) yiling

2006-07-07T01:04:00.000-07:00

met dwightie at 10am this morning in school. we had a chat over drinks at the library's cafe. dwightie's going into NS tmr. :( i'm gonna miss him a whole bunch. take care dwightie. i am going to miss you sooooo much. can't wait for your return, blearghyearghglurg friend. :D

this is my organic chemistry TSO aka lab tech, Lau Wai Heng. today's his last day helping out at the lab. :( he's going off to australia to continue his studies. this fun and nice TSO, i'm surely gonna miss. but i wish him all the best in his future endeavours! :D take care LAU wai heng! :p

today was a longggg day. but it was good. i woke up an hour late this morning and arrived half an hour late for lecture. i was sneezing the whole way to school and the whole day. and i'm not feeling that well. :( i think i've caught the flu bugg and fever. had org chem practical after that. this was a very short one. so we ended 1 1/2 hour earlier. so in the end, we slept outside the labs. haha. we do it most of the time. good place and way of resting in school. (: that's what we do best.

had cell bio lecture after that and halfway, i went with ann to look for her lost earring. we still couldn't find it. ann values that very much. though we haven't found it yet, i'm praying that we will. don't worry ann, smile girl. you'll find it back. ((:

:DDD

putri, my sayang. (:

*grinns. (:

I LOVE THEM. :D

came home right after school and didn't go for netball cos i wasn't feeling well. and soon after, hun called to ask to go for dinner together. long time since i've had heh mee(prawn noodles) with him. so yep, we went. and i enjoyed myself. and i loved the company. ((: i was a little quiet though. cos i wasn't feeling that good. but, i don't regret any minute of it. (: time spent with you is never wasted. :D
though some things have changed,
there are some things that will never ever change.
like my love for you.
i love you so so much, hunn. (:

-to people out there who care, all's good now. all's good. (:

goodnight. <3

2006-07-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

i had a pretty eventful day today. first thing in the morning, we had cell bio prac. it was the creative presentation today, and we came up with this puppet show. super embarrassing! but i had fun watching all my classmates do their stuff. :D though ours was kinda embarrassing, i pretty much had fun. (: putri sayangg taped us down. and after that 3 of us were laughing at ourselves luh. haha. we had a long long breakk after practical cos we ended early! 2 1/2 hours! YAY! ((: went to SIM to eat. all of us watched some videos from brandon's laptop. hilarious i tell you. some japanese pranks on people. we were laughing so much there. had cell bio tutorial after that. i listened okay! for once. :p haha. then stayed back to do it project. but was practically chatting with brandon and putri. we were urm. talking about alot of things. hahahaha. but we finished our work and then walked to the SIM bus stop with felicia, christle and shu jun.

and suddenly, i turned, and saw these 2 girls, wearing their primary school uniform. 1 girl was holding a pen knife. and blood was dripping from her hands. really dripping! my gosh! she quickly walked away with her friend. so many ppl at the bus stop but no one cared to help her. at that moment, i stood there in shock. all i could see, was the blood dripping from her hands. soon, it got to me. and i chased after the little girl. i told her that we needed to get it fixed. to stop the bleeding. i gave her a piece of tissue and tried to clean up all the blood on her hands. so much blood! asked her to press the tissue on her wound. we took her to SIM's counter. and asked for first aid. in the end, some security guards helped to clean up her wound. they dabbed antiseptic and then iodine on her wound. i watched her, as she didn't even wince as the man dabbed the medication on her finger. my heart ached for her. cos i know it had to be painful. but she was so brave. i was so amazed, at how such a little girl could bear with a pain that even a grown up like me would probably be sobbing by then. her friend was like telling her. "see la see la? play with pen knife some more!". after her wound was cleaned up, i talked to her. and apparently, she and her friend snuck out from the children's home nearby. by crawling out from a hole under the fence.

and this wasn't the first time. cos their principal would always come to SIM to look for them cos they were always loitering around. and i asked her "you don't like it in there?" and she said "no. i don't." she said, "inside so boring. cannot drink coke. only when i come out then only i can drink." i talked to her bout a lot. whether she felt that doing this was right or not? whether she was good or naughty? she could answer me. and i told her not to do this again. cos it's so dangerous. i dare not ask her where her parents were. in the end i gave her this chocolate snack which i was planning to finish when i went home. she said "cannot accept things from ppl." and i said "i never ask you to accept. i'm giving it to you. so now it's yours. you didn't accept anything." and she just smiled and took it. soon, their guardian from the home came to pick them up. and somehow, as i was walking away, i felt something inside. i don't know what it was though. but it sure made me feel like crying. and as i went home with felicia, i kept thinking about this.

how my heart ached so badly and really went out to her and all the children who were feeling like she did. we always complain how difficult life is, but how difficult is it actually? compared to these children? who hardly have ice cream? who are deprived of so much? who don't have their parents with them? really? i felt this situation speak to me so much. i can be braver than i think i am. stronger. sometimes, we just have to learn to let things go. when the person has already given up on you, what's the point of holding on? it will only make you feel more depressed. the more you think you need him, the more it gives you false hope. i can be stronger. just like the little girl. i know i can. and she's my inspiration now. (:

now, do you know how lucky you are? (:

2006-07-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

the greatest brudder a brudder could have. :D

went to school today. i didn't really have a restful sleep last night. kept getting up cos i was worried that the alarm won't ring. haha. woke up at 7am today. actually school starts at 12pm today. but, i had to meet up with huan qing and ann to do the creative presentation project thingy for tmr. did the project with them. and we were talking about a lot of things. they were telling me this, and that. but i enjoyed talking to them. it makes me feel a lot better about things. (: we had our 2 lectures after that. cell bio was a bore, as usual. while the lecturer was talking, we were talking too. i found it so weird. to add an x behind a certain word i say. and huan qing keeps telling me to not do this, when i want to take a keychain off my pencil box or think of changing my wallet. haha. i kept laughing lah. i kept wanting to fall asleep. but, i was looking forward to meeting brudder. really really. i made him wait for so longg. sorry brudder. ): i took 74 to his school's bus stop. i was trying to spot him when the bus was stopping. and then i when i spotted him, i was so shocked. my gosh, brudder's grown so thin! ): and he looked so different. but some things never change. i had that warm fuzzy feeling when i saw him. it's been such a longggg time since i last saw him. and then we took a long bus ride to toa payoh library. we talked and my goodness. his jokes are still as funny as ever. so it was talk talk and laugh laugh laugh and more laughs. :D

so i went to the library to return my books and then went to borrow some books. after that, he sent me home. and then only went home. i felt so guilty cann. he wasn't feeling well already and i still let him send me home and in the end he had to go home alone. ): before he left, he shared something so so sweet with me. i was super touched can. i almost cried. watching him leave, i felt such a sense of being loved and being so blessed. and i know, though things get hard. he'll always be there for me. though i know, things aren't exactly okay yet, and i still feel as if it's hard and i don't know what decisions i want to make inside like to move on and forget about all this or not to, i know he'll always be there supporting me. rooting for me. comforting me when i feel like crying. that's him. that's my brudder.

brudder, you know? being with you feels like laughing all tears away, and feels like being on a holiday from all my problems. today's the first time i've seen you in this year. but i know, even though we don't see each other, you've always cared. i know. (: i just want you to know, you're a precious friend. and as long as i have you beside me, nothing will be too hard. (: i'm sorry that you had to hear me whine so much today and i'm sorry that you had to get worried when i kept quiet for a period of time. and yes, i'm okay. (: i really enjoyed your company. really really really. (: and i miss all the times we've had together. thank you brudder. really thank you. and you're the sweetest thing. (: and i just want you to know, when i count my blessings, i always count you twice. and if ever you did "that" for me, i'd shout at the top of my voice, "I LOVE YOU, BRUDDER!" haha. see you soon brudder. this week perhaps? i love youuu brudderrr. ((:

(:

as long as i have you by my side. :D

Gareth Gates - Say It Isn't So
skies are dark it's time for rain,
final call, you board the train,
heading for tomorrow.
i wave goodbye to yesterday,
wipe your tears you hide your face,
blinded by the sorrow.
how can i be smiling like before?
when baby you don't love me anymore?

say it isn't so,
tell me you're not leaving.
say you've changed your mind now,
that i am only dreaming.
that this is not goodbye,
this is starting over.
if you wanna know, i don't wanna let go,
so say it isn't so.

tempt to find at least we've tried,
we're still alive but hope just died,
as they close the door behind you,
whistle blows and tons of steel,
shake the ground beneath the wheels,
as i wish i'd never found you.
how can i be smiling when you're gone?
will i be strong enough to carry on?

say it isn't so,
tell me you're not leaving,
say you changed your mind now,
that i am only dreaming,
that this is not goodbye,
this is starting over.
say i'm not blind to wait.
if you wanna know,
i don't wanna let go.
so say it isn't so.

say it isn't so...

this is the last time i'm going to talk about how much i want you and want to be with you. or how much i really need you by my side. cos i realised, maybe things aren't gonna work out as i want them to. and it's time to make my decision, cos i can't go on like this. i'm gonna put my love for you to sleep. it's time to forget everything now, and just move on. i can't take it. all i feel is inevitable pain. i hope and wish. that we still can be. but i don't wanna be selfish. i know things aren't easy for you. so i'm giving you up now. and i guess this is really goodbye. goodbye to our yesterdays. goodbye to our pains. and i know, i'll be stronger now. and i'm gonna do my best to put this behind cos i guess that's what you want me to do. and i'm starting a new life on a new fresh page. this will work out. and my wish for you, is to be happy. (: take care, and goodbye. all the best. (:

Lord, i'm going to be strong for You. and i'm moving on. :D please be my strength. (:

2006-07-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

sometimes, we all go through a phase in life, to find that we've all grown so much. though many a times, painful things really hurt us. making us feel as if we wouldn't be able to carry on anymore. but at the end of the day, when we get through it, we realise that we're stronger people and that we've grown much. though things you don't want to end come to an end, you still know that you'll get through this. don't get me wrong. we'll all still feel sad and really heartbrokened or even pushed to painful tears, but, you know and you trust that at the end of the day, things will still work out and everything will be fine again. i won't focus on my problems, or my sadness. i will focus on my happiness in life, the people i still have by my side and all the blessings God has given me. (: though today, i've lost something precious and was given no choice and was forced to give it up, it doesn't mean i've lost the whole world. and i still have many precious people around me. pains and hurts are part of the learning process in life. and i've been learning and because i've grown much from the last, this time, it's easier to move on. though still difficult, i know God is still there and still in control of every situation i'm in. i trust God. and i believe that in the end, things will work out just fine. and to top it all off, God is a God who's full of surprises and you'll never know what will come your way. (: i'm excited and i'm in hope because my hope is in the name of the Lord, You're my strength, my song. alrighties, i've got a long day ahead tmr. so i gtg now. and i'm meeting brudder after school tmr. double YAYYY! :D for people who are worrying about me, don't okay? cos i'm fine. (: and just noe that i'm sleeping with a smile on my face tonight. ((:

my God has saved me. (:

-i want you to be strong too. and though the situation is like that now, i know that we both still love each other and didn't want this. but it's time to move on. and i know you'll be stronger than ever. aja aja fighting! :D

2006-07-02T02:47:00.000-07:00

i think brudder's the sweetest thing. (: went to church today and sitting with clifford was actually kinda weird, but funny. haha. and of course, having pingg by my side was also :D. after that we went for cell dinner. went to king albert park's macs to eat. celebrated bro victor chua's birthday there. ((: my darling yi ling is super funny can. her expressions today were hilarious. i even laughed till i gong-ed my head on the wall behind. :D and i tell you, she's sooo sweet! she sent me a super long msg ytd to remind me of some things that i've forgotten and to make me feel so cared about. it really really made a difference darling. thank you so so much. i love you a million popiahs.(i really love popiahs. :p) after that the rest of them went to play pool. i was really tired since i slept at 2 and woke up super early to get to school for a project. and i don't really fancy pool. so i headed home with a few of them. then i just felt like calling brudder. i just don't know why. it felt so nice to hear his voice. i thought he was at home so he could call me but he was out with his friends watching soccer. i felt really bad and i told him nvm cos i didn't want to disturb him and umm phone bills aren't exactly cheap y'know. but he offered to call me back cos he had some free outgoing and he said that his friends & soccer aren't that important and he wanted to talk. somehow, i felt so touched and i feel so so much better. ((: and we talked almost my whole journey home and then i called him back but we hung up after awhile. i realised that i really really miss him.

brudder, you're really someone that really cares. really really. and though you're quiet and don't say anything when we don't contact each other, i know you still care. and you don't know how much that means to me. and i couldn't have any other better brudder than you. (: can't wait to meet you. take care and i love you brudder! :D

i talked to my husband(ping) on the phone just now too. and obviously, nobody can beat her. she's my best. (:

pingg dearr, thank you for assuring me that you'll always be there no matter what and that you'll be there to listen. and that you're there to share my burdens. thank you so so much for understanding. i love you SO MUCH. (more than words can describe (: )

yiling darlingg, thank you for that long long longgggg msg you sent me that day. you'll never know what a big difference it has made. (: i appreciate it. really. and i'm just really touched beyond words. love you sooooooooo much girl. :D

sometimes, things aren't perfect. or they're far from perfect. and all you can feel is hurt and pain. and all you want to do is cry in a little corner and hide from the world since nobody really knows or cares. you think nobody knows how hard it's been. or how hard you've been struggling. but then you don't realise. though you think they don't see, they've been watching. and they know every single thing you've been facing, and the only reason why they didn't mention anything was because, it was needless to say that they'd be there for you whenever you needed them. no matter what, where or when. all you needed to do was to reach out for them. (: though i'm going through a rough patch now, i'm growing stronger. much stronger. (: thank you. for those who care. this is the start of something new. (:

and not forgetting this certain someone, God. so much compassion and love You have for me. never giving up on silly 'old me. nobody will ever love me better than You do. with You around, nothing is impossible. nothing. i love my GOD! :DD

goodnight world. :D
i'm going to sleep with a smile on my face after sucha long time. ((:

2006-06-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

how pain can kill you. and eat you up from inside. that's just how i've been feeling. it's eating me up bit by bit. it seems nobody understands. or nobody seems to listen. or maybe it's just my fault. cos i love to put on a facade. a happy face. when inside, i'm frowning and crying. and my secret wish, is for someone to see how bad and messed up i am inside. but yet, i still smile and act as if everything's alright. because i don't want this to affect those around me. and i just keep quiet. and i'd rather keep things to myself than share it with others. this isn't quite like myself. everybody thinks, this is my fault. that things between you and me aren't going right. because of me. but nobody sees it from my point of view. everybody looks through your eyes. nobody looks through mine. i feel misunderstood. and you know, you say you'll collapse. but i feel like dying. if you think that this hurts you and doesn't hurt me, then you're so selfish. cos you're just like them. you only care about your views. you don't care about mine. or try to understand mine. and all this is probably partly my fault. cos i'm feeling really messed up now. and inside, things aren't alright. and i feel as vulnerable as an ant. cos as easy as you can kill them, you can kill me like that too. why can't you see? that i'm feeling like a weakling. somebody struggling to get up again, struggling to be able to bear the things that she has to for you because she loves you? why can't you understand that it's not an easy thing for her? she just needed someone to be strong for her. to help her. but somehow, the person she expected would be there for her, didn't. she just needed a hug. a reassuring one. that everything would be alright, would be better. but yet, she ended up feeling lonely. trampled upon. in the day, she's smiling, cheerful little girl. but at night, who knows that she cries herself to sleep? who really knows? or who cares to know? i'm in the search, for someone who understands, who knows how i really feel inside. who can differentiate from my real smiles and those not so real ones. i'm in the search for that person. there's the need. and there's that desperation. for someone to hear stories from my point of view. than just listen to a side. to tell me, "i understand. don't worry." and that "i'll always be here for you. always.". and this is tough for me. i feel like i can't love any longer. because love was the thing that did this to me. and maybe, it's gonna take some time before i can learn to love better than i'm doing now. who's gonna give me a chance? to learn how to? or try to give me just a little attention? i promise that this is just temporary. i just really need someone now. you, i just really need you now. i'm really depressed ain't i? really really........

2006-06-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

guess who i went out with today? :DD
the soon to be botak man and my very goooood bleurghhhrawrer friend. ((:
DWIGHTIEEEE.
i met dwightie after school today.
school was alright but i was really happy seeing my classmates. :D
had presentation first thing in the morning. of which the report i did last night till 1am.
which was really tiring and tough. :(
and still there was.... ARGH.nvm.
i was really looking forward to meeting dwightie. i was supposed to meet him right after school finished. but i had to stay back awhile for a project. so i met him later.
and in the end, we met and we went to eat nasi briyani. :D
hahaha. dwightie just can't successfully give me a treat for a meal. :p
after that we went to eat ice cream, gelato to be exact, at venezia.
YUUUMMMMM, I LIKE.
perfect for such a hot dayyyy. (:
i had this chocolate & hazelnut one and dwightie had a rum & raisin.
and then we bought another cookies & cream one to share.
we talked about umm, just about everything la.
and we did loads of stupid stuff, making each other laugh like nuts. :DDD
i had much much fun.
and though dwightie, i don't know, maybe you did it without you knowing. but i feel much better now. (:
we'll meet up again before you go to jail as you've claimed. :p
i miss you already. :(
i love you, precious friend. :D ♥

why so shy, dwightie? heh. :p

the i'm frowning-but-i'm-smiling too look. i think it's really fascinating. haha. :DD

the smile of the day. ((:

"rum & raisin's nice!" heh. :D

but mine's nicer. :p

dwightie trying to create a cookie iceberg for me. hhaha. (:

there it is! my cookie iceberg. :D

our cookies and cream ice cream. (:

thank you, dwightie, for today. (:

dwight says:
hang onnnn
dwight says:
take and remember, give and forget,
dwight says:
hardest kind of giving
dwight says:
is forgiving
i confused my feelings with the truth.♥ says:
thanks dwightie. ((:

when there was me and you-

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was ~~me and you~~

goodnight world. (:

2006-06-22T02:46:00.001-07:00

a lack of respect.
and a lack of thinking.
that caused so much pain and so much hurt to a certain someone.
just because the person she loved,
his family,
just was unethical in handling a really small situation.
they called her a "crazy prostitute" just because she wrote him a letter.
they asked her to "leave him alone" because they want him to "grow up HAPPY in school".
they threatened me saying that they'll find help from the "police or her parents."
and they said "don't be silly. cos we'll never accept a crazy prostitute like you."

EXCUSE ME?!
no. 1 : you don't even know me. so what gives you the right to call me crazy or even a prostitute?
no. 2 : you want him to grow up! but what are you doing? you're caging him up! you want him to be happy, but if you did this. do you think he'll be happy?!
no. 3 : you can go ahead and find the police or my parents. i can sue you for maligning me and for threatening me and i can bring you to court for calling me a prostitute when i'm not. try me.
no. 4 : and perhaps i was silly. cos i thought you'd accept me. but now, i realised that i ain't silly, cos i'd be crazy to want to be accepted by you all.

when i received those nasty msgs ytd, i was really upset, really hurt.
but i couldn't bear with it anymore.
since the number was his mum's, i replied. and gave them a piece of my mind.
and they didn't reply me after that.
they must have thought that i'm some dumb girl whom you can just threaten like that.
sorry. but i'm not that dumb. and i won't let you step all over me either.
i respect your role as a parent. and i respect your family, and i have not used nasty words on you ever. i don't expect your respect. but the least you could do is scold nicely and not use those words. cos you're an adult. and it reflects very badly on your image. don't you think?

i've never felt so wronged before.
is loving him such a big sin? why is it that i deserve this? when i've done nothing wrong but love?
but it's okay.
i've forgiven. even if they don't feel sorry. cos it's his family. and i STILL respect them.
but the hurt's still there. and i guess time will heal it.

a big comfort was when someone stood up for me. :D
he talked to them. and told them that he loves me. (:
he told them alot of things about me as well.
and most of the time they kept quiet which was really unusual.
he stood up for me.
and he scolded them for calling me a crazy prostitute.
HE STOOD UP FOR ME.
when i needed it the most. ((:
though this has made our relationship shake a little,
i know it has made us stronger.
and i really hope, things will continue to be better and not worse. (:
and because you've never given up, you're really amazing. and i love you so so much.
your strength and perseverance never fail to leave me in amazement.
i love you. so much.
((:

i'm still really thankful though. for people like:
mummy for getting angry and protective when she heard all that. and for showing so much that she loves me so so much. thanks mum & dad, for being so supportive. :D
sarah for encouraging us both and yes, we'll continue seeking GOD for strength. (:
wanling for telling me to hope and not give up. :D
for ann & huan qing who bring me so much laughterr and comfort, that i forget about my sadness and for advising. (:
for elle whyy who brought much comfort to me just now and advising me and opening my eyes to points i was quite blind to. thank you sweets. i feel much better now cos of you. love you a plenty! :D
for my darling, who shared a really nice story to me and all those really sweet words. (: thank you for comforting. love you.

--THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU. ((:

so at the end of the day, though the hurt has not completely diminished, it has subsided. thanks to them. :D
so i'm feeling better now. (:
i'm gonna try to put this behind me now.
cos i know, whatever they say, i won't stop loving him just because of that.
and he'll never stop loving me either. (:

-i love you and happy 10th. :D

it's been a long day.
time to sleeppp!
night and much love. (:

2006-06-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

i've come back from my 9 day holiday at pattaya and bangkok. :D
i had LOADS of fun, shopping and the sun! (:
i really enjoyed the family time that i had there with my family.
it's been such a long time since we've hadd so much fun together. ((:
it was a good holiday of a whole lot of de-stressing. :D

but now that i'm back here.
the stress is falling back on me again. :(
i've got 4 projects due next week and i've only got this week to complete it.
omgoshh! :((
my whole week's so busy.
HELLOOO?!
it's supposed to be a break you know?
all i know is i'm breaking.
i really need some strength now.

and then there's that big problem.
why can't she just leave us alone?
why?
why does loving have to be so hard?
why does it have to be made as if it's a big sin?
i've never felt so upset and pushed to a corner before.
i love him, i really do.
but why can't she just understand?
this is his life.
and he has the right to choose what he wants.
hasn't she heard?
the harder you hold on to something, the faster it slips through your fingers?
she has to learn to start let go.
cos he has a life. and i want my life to be in his.
and i'm just about fed up about what she's been doing.
my poor baby. :(
GOD. PLEASE HELP US!
i really hope this stops and things will really work out.
*and i love you. (: very much. and though things are really difficult now, it'll make us stronger. she just doesn't understand that yet. i lovveee you. :D

oh well. it's time for tired kym to lay down and sleep.
cos tmr's gonna be a busy day. with projects and dental appointment*OUCH. :(
goodnight everyone.
and i hope you'll have a good week. :D

2006-06-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

"if you live to be a hundred,
i want to live to a hundred minus one day,
so i'd never have to live a day without you."

i love you.
and will be missing you. (:

much love,
kym.

2006-06-09T04:07:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO BRANDON ONG ON 6/6/06! :DD
we had a little celebration for birthday boy brandon on tuesday after organic chem tutorial.
huan qing,ann & i ordered this chocolate cake for him the day before,
and asked putri and wen wei to stay behind to help him celebrate as well.
and of course,obviously all of this was done without his knowledge.
we just asked him to stay behind to have lunch together.(:

so on tuesday,we went for obc tutorial.
and after that we went to canteen 1.
ann and i went to collect the cake.
we were very sneaky.lols. :D
we came back with the cake.
and i thought that brandon knew by then.
but when i put the cake on the table and started opening the box,
he looked at us and asked "that one mine ah?" with a really funny expression.
it was so funny i tell you. :p
we ate the cake which was really deeelicious and took pictures. ((:
brandon,i hope you really liked the surprise and i hope you enjoyed your birthday to the fullest. :D

the birthday boyy looking very happy. :DD

enjoying his cake. (:

this is what i call love.♥ (:

all of us with the birthday boy. :DD

for today :
had OBC common test today.
i am just so glad that it's over. :D
and i'm leaving for pattaya tmr.((:
but i haven't packed my stuff yet.
i'll do it tmr morning.
i'm pretty much excited about this trip,considering that i haven't been on a holiday for quite some time and i think i really need this.
because holidays are finally here!WHOOHOO! :D

BUT,
i'm gonna miss this certain someone.
and i think 9 days is gonna be LOOOONGGGG.
i know you're really sadd.
so am i.
but sooner than we know it,i'll be backk yeah? :D
and i know i'll miss you just as much. ):
i just want you to know..
though we're apart,you're still a part of me.
i love you sooo much.♥ and i'll be missing you.(:

alright.it's time i hit the sack.
it's so late,urm i mean early in the morning. :p
enjoy your holidays people! :DD

2006-06-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

YAYYYY!
one paper down. :P
this week's common test week and i hadd my cell biology common test today.
it was alright.
few questions here and there which i couldn't do and some i literally wrote nonsense.
oh well.at least it's over! :D
one more paper to go on thursday.
organic & bio chem.
one good thing is that i only have 2 papers.
BUT.
the badd thing is i had tons of projects to complete.

anyway i'm leaving for pattaya,thailand, this friday. :D
yippee! (:
my only consolation for this whole study week.
i'm still trying to get used to all the studying after such a longg break.
haha. (:

i'm trying to cure myself from this gastric flu that i've been having over the past few weeks.):
i saw the doctor and finished the medicine he gave me already but still i'm having this.
i went to the toilet to pass BIGG motion 3 TIMES today!
so agonizing. )):
mom wants me to see the doctor tmr.
she doesn't want me to go on holiday with a bad tummy.

mom's also not been feeling well.
she's been having cough for almost 2-3 weeks and she isn't getting better.
i am so so worried about her.
anyone of you know any good english/chinese cough medicine that's really good?
can recommend please?thanks! :DD
mummy,please get well soon. )):

mr chua wen wei gave me a shock just now when he called to TALK.
and yep,we did.
he said i'm really cheeky today.hmmm.
NO.
anyway,i had a nice time talking to him.(:

you know,sometimes people have their own stand on things
and they impose these things on you.
they say they're trying to help,but yet it feels as if they're forcing you.
really.i don't get it.
there's a difference between help and force.
help gives relief to a person but forcing gives torment and sometimes ends up in hatred.
you want to stand up for what you really believe in,
to make your own views seen and heard.
but yet you know if you do that,you're only causing more trouble for your ownself.
so many times,things that pull you back aren't things associated with yourself.
but these things are associated with the people you love most.
that's why you find it hard to stand up for what you really believe in.
because you know if you stand up for what you believe in,
you may end up losing the things you love most.
the things you really want to do.
because these things you love are really closely related to these demanding rule-imposing people.

sometimes i get so tired of all these things.
i really am not perfect or someone who can always do things the way you people want me to.
i have my own heart,my own brain to feel and think for myself.
and these things aren't the only problems i have.
that makes things alot worse.

but yet because it's my love for a GREATER one that keeps me going on.
it's this love that pushes me on to tolerate these rules.
because i know above all,HE is watching over me.
and one day,HE will help me make my views heard.
and it's this hope,that keeps me hoping and holding on.

and moreover,
HE's given me great gifts.
the many people around me who love me and really care for me.
and it's something that i'm really grateful for. (:

okay,it's really obvious that i'm complaining.
but i really need to get this off my chest.
and i finally did.(:
i feel much better now. :D
anyway,
thanks people for reading and bearing with me. (:
take care and have a good week ahead. :D

ilovetowatchyouplaybasketball.butbestofall,iloveyouthemost.(: thankyouformakingmyday. :D iloveloveloveyou.((:

2006-05-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

after 1 week of not blogging,i finally findd some time where i can.(:
let's say school's been tiring.
and projects have been overwhelmingg.
and sometimes,you just come backk home feeling like you've done so much but you haven't.

like today,i hadd a really tiring day at school.
we've all been slogging real hard for our hand food mouth disease project and we've finally got it over and done with this morning.
the presentation was fine.
i was more comfortable this timee.
and then the 5 of us hadd a nice lunch at SIM.
then the excel test of whichh i couldn't do.
and then organic and biological chemistry quiz.
this we called "easy".real "easy".
and at the end of the day,i felt so wornn out.
it's just another of those days where you just wanna go home and take a nice bath and sleep.

though things now,aren't as easy as i thought it would be,

STILL,
life's been good. :D
cos i've got them.(:
them who know how to brighten up my day.
it's like we've known each other for such a long time. ((:

and i've got him. :DD
which makes a things A WHOLE LOT better. ((:

and yepp.i'm so blessedd to have so many other people out there who care for me.((:
and someone up there watching and love me. :D

though sometimes we feel as if the world's turning against us,
we've got to knoww that there are people out there who are willing to shift the worldd for us,to tryy to make things go our way. (:
and that makes me feel a whole lot better. :D

i would not trade your love for any other. (:

9months and still counting.

2006-05-15T01:09:00.000-07:00

helllo. :D
fridayy was a really nice outing out with my mom's cell and all of their children.
most of the children were from the children's cell.
which means i see them quite often on fridays since the children's cell is held at my home. :D
i just adore the kids.
anyway,i had a really great time at labrador park with the whole lot of them.
here's the pictures. x)

that's our bbq pit and the whole lot of us.

the little kids playing soccer. :DD

this is cutie pie,baby joshua! ((:

naughty zachary.but zackie's still lovable to me.

my little brother,chrissy.playing at the maze with some of the other kids.(:

little andrew playing at the maze too. ((((:

little matthew trying to burn his stick at the bbq pit!haha. :D

the food and the people cooking the food!yummmm. (:

our professional teh tarikk man. :D

all of them enjoying the food. :D

little matthew and darren enjoying their sausages. (:

SUPER BIGGGG SMILES. :DDDD

zackie kept laughing at this own picture of his.YUPI BURGER EYES.haha. :D

chrissy & i. (:

by now you ought to know who's my little favourite of them all. :D

of course this one's still my favourite-st.but it shld be obvious since he's my lil brother. :D

playing with light sticks. :)

yup.those are my little angels. ♥ :DDD

:D

little sharmaine with the smile i love. (:

playing with sparklers.

little yen kay with her mommy. (:

enjoying themselves. :)

that's my daddy!always the one who's cooking. :D

the girls with the beautiful smiles.(:

happy birthday to auntie jenny,uncle heng swee and mommy! :D

the funn they find in simple light sticks.haha. (:

playing a game called crocodile.i played with them too.haha. :D

my cutie pie,little matthew and i.(:

my little favourite of all time,little andrew and i. :DD ♥

how i love both of them. (:

so that was how much i enjoyed my day. ((:

ahh.another stressful week up ahead.
GOD,please give me strength.
goodnight people.(:
have a good week ahead. :D

through my weaknesses,am i still your superwoman?

2006-05-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

hello guys.(:
this is for last week.
my dearest lingg's sweet 17th on the 6th of may '06.
finally had the time to upload these pictures.((:
i hope she enjoyedd that special day of hers.
and of course,loved her pressies. x))
I LOVE LINGG! :D

happy 17th birthday yi-ling! :D

much love for our dearest. <3

the very happy happy birthday girl. :D

HAHA.we know you love the pressies! xP

oh how i love them. :)

my churchh budds,now and forever more. :D

i hope my ling lingg will be happy in whatever she does.
and i pray that she'll find happiness even in little things.
i hope that she'll do well in whatever she puts her mind to.
and find her true meaning of love in her life.
i pray for lesser failures in her life.
but even if there are,i hope they are failures that teach her valuable lessons.
in all,i just want to see my dearest grow spiritually,emotionally into the woman that GOD wants her to be.x)

last but not least,i wish for her,
joy,happiness,love and tender loving care. :D

2006-05-08T23:39:00.000-07:00

sometimes i really wonder.

why do people love?when they love to hurt?

is that their definition of love?

why can't people love other people for who they really are?

not for the things they've done for them?

why?

why can't they choose to lessen your burden instead of adding on to it?

they claim to love you,isn't that so?

so why can't they learn to understand the position you're in instead of makingg your position a more difficult one?

and when you tell a person i love you,doesn't it mean that they love EVERYTHING about you?

your good,your bad.your past,your future?

maybe it really doesn't exist.

maybe.

today was less than okay.

i couldn't say that it was okay.but i can't say that it's far from it either.

first chem lecture was alright.

then the bio one was boring and i couldn't understand almost everythingg.

and i'm so so tiredd.

but something made me smile real bigg today.

i even laughed in the middle of lecture because of it.xP

i actually wanted to meet dwightie at pizza hut for dinner today.

but i was really tiredd,so didn't in the endd.

but we were smsing and he said that he wanted to treat me to pizza.

and i was like "noooo,cos i don't like people to treat me like that."

and he smsed this really funny thingg.

dwightie:

"Tender morsels of roasted chicken,mushrooms, pineapple bits, baked with fuscili, smothered with creamy alfredo sauce and sprinkled with mozzarella cheese. Yummylicious enough for you to change your mind yet? Mhmm."

i was laughing my headd off. :D

i found it hilarious la.haha.

thanks dwightie.((:

for making my day with just such a simple sms.

we'll meet up soon for pizza okay?xP

but no treating.(:

oh yep.i'll post pictures of lingg's sweet 17th on another day cos they take a super long time to upload.((:

alright.i've gtg now.feeling awfully tired.

nights!:D

i don't want to be your superwoman just because i can do super things.but instead i want to be your superwoman because in your eyes,i do super things even if they are normal things.and only thru your eyes,i wanna be seen as your superwoman.

2006-05-06T14:35:00.000-07:00

i was a VERY VERYYY happy girl on thursday!((:

i met dwightie!:D i haven't seen him for so long!

and finally,he came back to school to photocopy something and we met up

for lunch since i was having my break as well.

he took me to canteen 4,which was a super long walk away.

and which he claims to have the best foodd. :D

and i just LOVEEEE talking to dwightie.(((:

but he's lost weight.):

he's become so thinn!and he says it's because he runs alot and he told me something i thought was really funny.-"i cut my hair like that,so that maybe i can run faster." :D

hahaha.i found it real funny.cos of his expression.:D

after that we went to the library and he brought me to places in there where i haven't been.

we borrowed this movie called "Gattaca" starring Uma Thurman & Ethan Hawke.

dwightie said he's watched it 8 times and he thinks it's a really good movie.

and i think so too.awesome.(:

i watched it for 1/2 an hour cos i've got some activity called "amazing race" in the library,

which we thought was SUPER lame.

after i went for the amazing race thing,dwightie left.):

had amazing race with those crazy people.xP

after we finished everything,we went to another floor of the library.

we sat on the chairs there and talked and rested.

was super funny la.

one of our topics were about how you shit.

my goodness.

we were laughing like nuts in the library.LIBRARY.

lecture after that was super boring.we were learning sec 2 science all over again. :x

met up with KAREN sweetheart after that.

went for netball.(((:

super funn!such a long time since we've played but i still love the game all the same.(:

and i enjoyed the time i hadd with my sweetheart too.((:

went to J8 for dinner with her after that.(:

i hadd a great day that day!(:

all thanks to those wonderful people. :D

the very shyy dwightie.(:

we must do this again okay?i miss you already!(:

take care dwightie!:D

the funny things we do in the libraryy. xD

that's my pretty,ann.(:

and that's my other pretty,huan qing.(:

that's mr matthew mak,our cell biology lecturer.hahaha.

i LOVEEEE them. :D

those 2 sleepy heads.((:

the very cheeky wen wei.x)

this is putri.this girl i love too. :D

and this is what we do during boring lectures.(((:

this is for yesterday :D

went to the dentist to get my bottom row of teeth done.(:

another season of pain.):

anyway,i had school for 2 hours only. :D

met wen wei at 3pm for our comm toolkit session.

had our 2 minute speech.my topic was pets.

goodness.

i was shaking when i was up there.super scary. :x

wen wei did a really good job.it was hilarious.

everyone was laughing.(:

after that,he walked me to this bus stop which was about a 15-20 min walk from school.

cos i didn't know how to get to town.

so he walked me to a bus stop to tell me which bus to take.(:

thanks buddyy. :D

met pingg at orchard mrt.(:

went to food republic at wisma to eat.

we shopped for stuff as well.

and then at around 9 plus we went to starbucks to have cakes.

haha.after so long of not meeting my bestie,i am super happy.x)

talked about loads of things.

anyway,thanks husband!

i loveee you just like ever. :D

that's mine(i guess i'll be eating alot of this) & that's my bestie's.(:

she just loves taking pictures of me like that.LOL. :D

my dear-cum-husband-cum-bestie.((:

thanks for yesterday dear!:D

let's eat cake again.((:

you've always been my favourite and you always will be.<33>

i miss you like crazy.):

2006-05-04T00:42:00.000-07:00

A Cracked Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.

"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it somewhat. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.

"The moral of this story: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. In this world, nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing in disguise."

you know who you are.cos of what we shared with each other today.

this is for you,my dearest.i love you loads!((:

2006-05-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

the word is,LOVE.

helloooo.x))
i had a pretty good day todayy. :D

just hated the waking up early part.

haha.

met ann and wen wei at the bus stop.

had 3 hours of prac.

today wasn't that bad la.

since we could look at interesting thingg with the compound microscope.

like red blood cells.

i found it loads of funnn. xD

ended school early.at 1pm.

then went to the library with the gang.x)

practically slacked there.

then went for some talk at 3pm for foreign students.

huan qingg and ann were superr nice to walk me to the lecture theatre.x))

i LOVEE those girls,those girls who i laugh a whole lot with.((:

after the talk,

went back to the library to findd them.

then went to meet my superman after that.

lols.x)

went to have dinner with himm.

he so nice cann.

cos i couldn't eat anything hardd,

cos my braces made my mouth SUPER painful.very very..

he ate porridge with me.(:

and walked at the pasar malam.

we bought cotton candyy.

cos obviously i couldn't eat anything else.

but we enjoyedd it eh.=D

thanks hon.

i feel very touched.seems like no one treats me as good as you do.((:

super superman.(: <3333

ilovemysupermanawholelot.x))

2006-05-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

eeeek.
my poopy just sent these pictures to me.
i couldn't stop laughing la.x)
these are ancient okayy.

2003.

HAHA.

anyway,this is a reminder that my bestie and i have been besties since ancient times.xP

just looking at these pictures bring back memories of what has happened in these few years.(:

I LOVE MY POOPY!=DD <33

these are our memories.

no one can take them away.(:

love ya loads poopy!=DD

2006-04-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

it couldn't be anyone else but you. says:
say something nice to me.
it couldn't be anyone else but you. says:
then i'll be happier.=p
em*-KYMBERLYismysuperwoman says:
you're my superwoman. :)
em*-KYMBERLYismysuperwoman says:

and that's my superman. xP
<33

2006-04-30T13:04:00.001-07:00

rawr.
school on friday.
woke up at like 10 that day.
hadd all IS modules that day-IAC and Comm toolkit.
lessons started at 1pm.
could wake up late.hahahaha.
met wen wei at the bus stop.
walked in together.
went to meet the rest.
brandon,ann and huan qing have different timings for their IS modules.
the whole class was split up.
lucky wen wei and i are still in the same IS classes.(:

my IAC module lecturer is kinda funnyy & cute.
just that i think that sometimes he's nuts.
but well.he kept wen wei & i awake for his 2 hr lecture.

comm toolkit module lecturer was this caucasian woman.(:
she's kinda nice.
another 2 hr lecture from her.
and then we were offff.=D

ah.i love fridays.x)

wen wei went with me to get my 2 books for OBC and CBO.
they were super heavy.rawr.
and wen wei was like."see see?told you to buy 1 ytd and then buy 1 today."
lols.
i had a small dinner with him after that.
used our laptops and sat at the atrium.
met evon in school after that,by coincidence.
haha.
then left school after that.
went to have dinner with her at adam then headed to church for l cell.
all of us were laughing like crazy people.
it was the last l cell where the graduates would be joining us.)):
i'm gonna miss them.):
but still i had a good time with them.((:
friday was NICEEE.x)
cos weekend was just ahead and no more tutorials+lectures=STRESSS.
WHOOPEE!=DD

went to church ytd.
nice session we hadd and i enjoyed myself.
ah.i love my church people!=DD
ping was sickk so she went home,she didn't go for fuel.):
get well soon poopy!(:

so left lingg & me.
haha.
we still had funn at fuel.right lingg?=DD
we went to tpy for dinner after that.
had KFC.
then gave my dear girl & myself a treat.
chocolate sundae at macs.((:
walked home with her.
she walked with me to the bus stop and then went back.
i reallyyy enjoyed this time i had with her,talking & laughing about loads of stuff.(:
we must do this again okay?
i loveeee youu loads girlie!=D

going to the dentist later.

i've actually got my brackets on alreadyy,but no wires yet..

hope it won't be too painful. x(

anyway,enjoyy your long weekend people!(:

you made me a really happy girl too.x)
i love you like crazy,my superman.x)

take me to the cross.<3

2006-04-28T02:38:00.000-07:00

hello everyone.(:
i am super tired at the moment.
went to school at 8am this morning.
met ann and wen wei at the bus stop before going in.
went to the comfy lecture hall at the convention hall for our first 2 hour lecture of the day.
organic and biological chemistry.
sat together with wen wei,ann,huan qing and brandon.
the 5 people gang.((:
haha.
this lecture wasn't alright.
i understood everything,i suppose?(:

then had our 2 hour break.

wen wei went back to change his slippers and bring his labcoat cos he forgot there was practical today.

the rest of us went to eat at canteen 1.

waited for wen wei to come back,then we went to the library to do our project.

talking about projects,the stress is coming!

we're supposed to get a presentation done by next wednesday and have 3 other projects lined up.

and they said poly life was easy.haha.

anyway,went there.ann & huan qing waited for their grp members to come,

and wen wei,brandon & i waited for our 2 other ppl to come.

in the end,brandon slept.

wen wei was eating,

and we were doing nothing.

lols.

in the end went for prac,prac ended early,we headed down to library again.

this time.we had a fun time la.

did the project and watched some stupid video of a cat falling out of a tree with the song "drop it like it's hot' playing.

we were joking here joking there,laughing super loud in the library.

after that another 2 hrs of cell bio lecture.

wah.this one was REALLLL crazy.

the lecturer was like a bullet train and a very boring one too.

but oh well.some parts weren't that bad.(:

like this one.

this is mr wen wei.this was hilarious.i can still rmb his silly face when he pretended to tell the lecturer, "teacher teacher!i can't see!" and he pulled out the safety goggles for prac.we were all laughing at himm la.lols.WEN WEI,YOU ARE ONE CRAZY BOY!(x

after lecture,we went to buy books and stuff.then wen wei accompanied me for dinner.hahhaa.we had a nice chat.(: after that he went home and i went for volleyball training.

still considering if i should stay in volleyball or return to netball cos i can't seem to get netball out of my bloodd.

anyhow,volleyball was still funn.(:

OH!and i saw so many whitleyans today and 1 of them was howard!haha!was so shocked and happy!=D like so nice to see them around.(:

overall,i had a CRAZYYY but good dayy.=D

i hope you guys had a great day too!(:

cruel jealousy

2006-04-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

i woke up to school just to get to school today.
RAWR.
had 3 hours of practical.
the first hour CRAWLED by.
then we used micropipettes,
learned about spectrophotometer,laminar flowhood,fume cupboard and the centrifuge.
i could actually feel my brain turning from goo to something else.MORE GOO.
after not studying for so long,my brain can't really work now.
i need to ADJUST!
ahahaha.
oh well.the rest of the day was fine.
had a 1 hour break.
sat at the atrium with putri,ann and huan qing.(:
that 1 hour passed byy SOOO FAST can.
had 45mins of tutorial.
boringg la.
at least i hadd funny people aroundd.(:
mr wen wei was eating during tutorial.
tsk tsk.think i cannot hear from in front.=p

now,i'm back home.
later i'm going back to schoool.(:
quite comforted today.
cos no lecture andd was quite short.
but think about tomorrow.
makes me wanna go crazy.
6HOURS of tutorial!
ARGHH!=x
how's school for everyone by the way?=D

anyway,i was thinking today.
do we humans really know and understand the word "LOVE"?
we always tell people how much we love them but yet we don't really mean it.
and yet we don't understand the true meaning of love.
the english dictionary has many definitions to love.
but the one that we most commonly know is
"an intense feeling of deep affection".
it's intense,mind you.
deep affection.
i just find that the word love is used too many times without it's meaning really grasped or considered.
people tell people "i love you" but intentionally do things to hurt each other.
really,
is that your definition of love?
if it is,then don't love.because you have not learnt to love.
and when you have learnt to love,
love with your whole heart and do it with the understanding of true love.(:

love,people.LOVE.<3

and really,i mean it when i say i love you.<3

2006-04-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

so many things have been happening these few days.
there was "A Doctor's Journal" and then Easter Sunday.
i had loads of fun on those days but something more impt than fun grasped
my heart again
there was a fresh reminder of what my saviour did for me at calvary.
after that i fell sickk and am still sick at the moment.
had orientation on friday.
met my biomed class for the very first time and i must say,
they are a FUN bunch!(:
clicked really well with them,talked bout everything under the sun.=D
my illness was still bugging me.
a throat so sore and a bad flu.
i couldn't take it anymore so i finally gave in and went to see the doctor ytd morning.
doc said i've got throat infection and a flu.
didn't go to church ytd.
cos i was feeling so so tired and sick.
i stayed home and slept.(:
then at night,at around 9 plus.
my church budds came over to have dinner with me.((:
thanks pingg,ling & lizz for ytd.
you guys made me feel better.(:

today i've done nothing but stay at home and bumm.
that's what sick people do i guess,haha.(:
i took a nice nap as well.
still feeling real tiredd though.)):
but anyway,thanks to the people who really care.
like miss yarhui-i love you girl!((: and my bestiee.(: -ilovehusband!=D
my church budds too.(:
thanks alot ya.it means a bunch to me.=)

tomorrow's a new start.
a new school.
a new class.
yet i know it'll be good.(:
school's gonna be funn,i know!((:
gonna turn in now.
for people who're starting sch tmr,hope you'll have tons of funn.=D
and for the rest,have a nice nice happening day.(:
goodnight people!<3>

Jesus take the wheel.

2006-04-12T15:06:00.000-07:00

A DOCTOR'S JOURNAL
A disease he cannot heal.
A finding he cannot refute.
A revelation he cannot ignore.

presenting A DOCTOR'S JOURNAL for this year's Easter celebration.
it will not be the same as everyy other one.
watch a true story come alive through multi-media,drama,contemporary dance & music.

VENUE: Trinity Christian Centre,4th floor auditorium.
DATES & TIMES: Friday,14th April '06,4pm & 7.30pm
Saturday,15th April '06,4pm & 7.30pm
Admission is free.
please do join us!=D
we will see youu there!(:

heyy!(:
been really busyy of late.
with all the rehearsals and stuff for "A DOCTOR'S JOURNAL".
i'm in the choir by the wayy.(:
it's been tiring la.
like sometimes practices endd an hour or two after the supposed time of ending.
so there's delays.
but i've been havingg loads of fun.
and i've met loads of nice nice people!((:
haha.
anyway,
if youu guys can come for this,please do okayy?
we've been practicing hard for this and it'll be of no meaning if people don't come.(:
it's really a very different kindd of thing from the past.
so yeah!
expect something different and contemporary!(:
i must must see you there!((:

<33